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Southern Comfort 2006 Out to the Ball Game *
Butch is a Noun • Gianna Israel Remembered RS in Thailand • IFGE in Washington D.C. ||
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“/ remember when I was first thinking of the very real possibility of my going through a * gasp * sex change. This was in the days before tranny support groups. I steeled myself and made the long distance call to IFGE. To my delight, l spoke with a trans woman who calmed me down and pointed me in the direction of some deeper self-work prior to making my decision to proceed. It was invaluable advice. I owe a debt to IFGE. I think many trans folks do. Maybe one of them is you? If not right this minute, then perhaps some day?
Look, IFGE is an organization that seems to rise above all politics of the trans experience, getting to the heart of what matters to each of its multi-identified members. Wouldn't it be worth the mini-investment of a membership to make sure IFGE is there for all of us? I think so.”
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EQUALITY • DIGNITY • EDUCATION • RESPECT • ACTION • CHANGE • EQUALITY • DIGNITY • EDUCATION • RESPECT • ACTION • CHANC
CONTENTS
ARTICLES
IFGE Expands to Washington, D.C. — Nancy Cain 7
Southern Comfort 2006 — Dallas Denny 1 5
The Winslow Street Endowment Fund — Bree Hartlage 20
Why GRS? Why Thailand? — Shirley Boughton 21
S/he's Not Heavy, Zie's My Non-Gendered Sibling:
Why Gender-Neutral Pronouns Don't Work for Me — Pauline Park 44
Letters on Crossdressing, 1867-1920, Part Two — Peter Farrer 46
INTERVIEWS
Vicky West and Drag Magazine
Forever Mardi Gras, Part One:
An Interview w/ Bebe Scarpe — Veronica Vera 32
Butch is a Noun by S. Bear Bergman
Faggot Leathermen and Bathouse Sluts,
Metrosexual as the New Femme,
and Bear's "Butch is a Noun" Playlist — Scott Turner Schofield 49
The Journal of the International Foundation for Gender Education
2
TransgenderTAPESTRY
Anderer, Suzanne CPE 13
Becker, Christine LICSW 48
FEATURE
Vicky West: Full Circle — Mariette Pathy Allen
^ '
POETRY
25
A Comfortable Daughter —Katarina Demaar
BOOK EXCERPT
Butch is a Noun by S. Bear Bergman
Fire the Copyeditor, or Possibly the Author:
A Few Notes on Pronouns
Breasts
COLUMNS
^ V
Ask Ari — Arlene I star Lev Go Ask Alice — Alice Novi k M.D.
V*
60
bWSb:
53
54
10
18
DEPARTMENTS
A Word From The Editor
Letters
Opinion
Book Reviews
Obituaries
Professional Listings
I.F.G.E. Synchronicity Bookstore
AM Eh Wfl- 13
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Issue #111
Winter 2006 / 2007
Bowers, Marti L. M.D. 1 1 Ellaborn, Diane LICSW 23 Gender Identity Center of Colorado IBC Glamour Boutique 48 IFGE Bookstore 64 IFGE Conference 2007 BC Kindred Spirits 13 Laser Gentle 06 Leis, Sherman M.D. IFC Novic, Richard i. M.D. IBC Reardon, James J. M.D. 01 Shoe Express 24 The Phoenix Project 10 University of Michigan Health System 19 Miss Vera's Finishing School 14
To advertise in future issues please contact us at 781-899-2212 or e-mail to: advertising@ifge.org
PLEASE NOTE:
IFGE does not endorse the claims, products, or services of any advertiser.
Caveat emptor!
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Winter 2006 / 2007
Guidelines For Contributors
z/ran6gencfe
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ISSUE #111
The Journal of the International Foundation for Gender Education
PUBLISHER
The International Foundation for Gender Education (IFGE)
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR Denise Leclair FOUNDER Merissa Sherrill Lynn EDITOR Denise Leclair ART DIRECTOR Larissa Glasser PHOTOGRAPHY Mariette Pathy Allen CONTRIBUTING EDITORS Miqqi Alicia Gilbert, Ph.D.
CONTRIBUTORS
Mariette Pathy Allen S. Bear Bergman Shirley Boughton Nancy Cain Diane DeLap Katarina Demaar Dallas Denny Peter Farrer Bree Hartlage
Monica F. Ffelms Ari Lev
Alice Novik, M.D. Pauline Park Scott Turner Schofield Robyn Webb, CTS Veronica Vera Max Wolf Valerio
SUBSCRIPTIONS Joan Hoff DISTRIBUTION Kable News Company
SUBSCRIPTIONS & SUBSCRIBER SERVICES
To order Transgender Tapestry, make payments or purchase back issues, contact IFGE: e-mail: subscriDtions@ifae.ora. call: 781 .899.22 1 2, or write: RO. Box 540229, Waltham, MA 02454-0229 MasterCard, Visa, AMEX, and Discover accepted.
Transgender Tapestry
is published by the I.F.G.E.
RO. Box 540229, Waltham, MA 02454-0229 phone: 781.899.2212 fax: 781.899.5703 e-mail: office@ifge.org
Transgender Tapestry is a magazine for and about crossdressers, transgen- dered, transsexual, intersexed, and other gender- variant persons, and those who support them.
Our Readers
Write for a general audience. Our readers include closeted and out people: crossdressers, transsexuals, transgenderists, intersexed persons, gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, heterosexuals, therapists, physicians, ministers, spouses and significant others, family members, and friends. Our readers span all ages, races, nationalities, religions, spiritualities, beliefs and opinions, and educational backgrounds. Your piece may be targeted for one group, but it should speak to the larger readership.
We want writing that challenges categories, presumptions, and accepted thought.
How To Submit
The best way to send materials is via e-mail. We get it immediately and we don’t have to retype it.
Send your submissions to: editor@ifge.org. Attach a file, using MIME encoding. These formats are acceptable for text files: Microsoft Word, WordPerfect, Rich Text Files (RTF), and Text. Please name your file so it makes sense to us, and for goodness sakes, be sure to include your name and contact information with text files. A file named “Tapestry” doesn’t tell us much! Much better to use “John Smith Poem” or “Martha Michaelson Submission.”
It’s okay to send text in the body of an e-mail, but our Eudora Light mail reader doesn’t recognize embedded codes.
Graphic images should be high-resolution TIFF or EPS format, saved at 300dpi and submitted to the editor (address below) on Zip disk or CD-R. Please include your return address if you would like your materials returned to you. If you prefer to send images in BMP, GIF, or JPG format — although they are easy to send via e-mail, please know the quality of your image will be severely compromised by the printing process.
Unless they’re self-extracting, please don’t send zipped files without clearing it with us beforehand. No e-mail? Send a PC-compatible or MAC floppy to Tapestry Editor, P.O. Box 540229, Waltham, MA 02454- 0229.
We hate typing in text, but we understand some people can’t afford or don’t like computers, so believe it or not, we accept articles on paper. Please include a brief biography with your submission.
What To Send Us
We want original material. We rarely accept simultaneous or previously published submissions. We’re interested in ideas which have been previously under-explored. We accept submissions on gender issues of general interest, including: new (for some people) types of diversity; little- known information about transgender history; under-utilized resources and populations; personal struggles; social or medical issues; humor with an underlying message; and satire.
The contents and design of this magazine are © 2007 by the International Foundation for Gender Education and the authors. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced by any commercial individual or service without permission of the International Foundation for Gender Education or the authors.
The editorial content of this magazine is the responsibility of the editor and may or may not reflect the opinion of the International Foundation for Gender Education.
Member COSMEP
(ISSN 0884-9749)
Things We Shouldn't Have To Say
DO send us stuff. Deadlines are firm. Contact us before submitting. Talk with us before writing, if possible. Let us know what you want to do and when you can deliver it. Send us a rough draft if you have one. Be reliable. Make your word stick. Be concise. Don’t ramble, and don’t try to tackle too much in one article.
Don’t be heartbroken if we don’t use your submission. A rejection often has more to do with the theme or the space available in the magazine than the quality of the writing.
4
TransgenderTAPESTRY m
Fore Word
I am a woman!
Yes, I am taking a stand, and stating unequivocally that 1 am a woman.
Period.
I don’t apologize for this statement.
I will not qualify the word, or put it in “quotation marks.”
Nor do I need to hyphenate it.
It doesn’t require a modifier such as “transgender,” although I am that as well.
I could have said that I am a tall-blonde- outspoken-French-Canadian-Swedish- American-post-menopausal-ex-vegetarian- sassy-middle-age-middle-class woman.
None of these terms is a disclaimer.
None of these words diminish my intrinsic womanhood. So am I a “trans-woman?”
That’s where it starts to get sticky. Of course, I am a transgender/transsexual woman. But, if you think that it means I am any less of a woman, you are mistaken.
I have actually been told by some people (as you probably have), that I can never be a “woman,” although I might be a “trans- woman.” When used in this way, “trans- woman” clearly means something “other” than a woman. Not in addition to. Not a flavor of. More like a “faux” fur.
And lest anyone think that I have forgot- ten my FtM brothers, feel free to shout out “I Am a Man!” Martin Luther King under- stood that words matter.
For far too long we have allowed people around us — including many of our friends, allies, and even ourselves — to put those demeaning quotation marks around our use of the words “man” and “woman.” We have allowed others to deprive us of this status, and this has very real and devastating implications.
But , my identity is me, and I am not a disorder! My desk may be disordered — my identity is not! Consider what calling some- thing an “ Identity Disorder ” implies. It is little wonder we are treated like children.
People have been led to believe we are either lying or delusional. Ultimately, this is the biggest obstacle we face in our struggle for acceptance, both legal and social. The current diagnostic scheme never endorses our identi- ties— it just plays along. According to the DSM* I am “really a man” with a psychologi- cal disorder, a delusion if you will. The med- ical establishment believes they are merely indulging our fantasies, but they go along with it because we seem happier this way (and easier to deal with). This so-called delusion is referred to as “Gender Identity Disorder."
But, my identity is me, and 1 am not a disorder! My desk may be disordered — my identity is not! Consider what calling some- thing an “Identity Disorder” implies. It is little wonder we are treated like children.
This diagnosis can never form the foun- dation of real acceptance. Instead, it ensures that we will always be treated with all the deference given to any rare and exotic disease. We need to reject the psychological diagnosis in its entirety and try a different approach.
Any political strategy that fails to affirm our identities is doomed to perpetuate our con- dition. We are real women, and we are real men, and we must refuse to accept anything less.
Perhaps the problem is a reflection of where our opponents seem to have placed their own identities: Firmly between their legs.
photograph by Doreen Leclair
"Ripley! — I thought you were dead!"
"Yeah, I get that a lot." — Alien: Resurrection
Lady Like Magazine editor JoAnn Roberts declared now that all the other transgender magazines had gone out of business, her magazine was the “last woman standing” in a recent editorial ( Lady Like #67), but she had merely let her subscription to Tapestry lapse. We sent her a complimentary copy of the latest issue, with a Post-It™ note saying “We’re not dead yet, nice editorial though . . .”
Well, at least people are reading it...
My brief honeymoon as the virgin editor lasted only until the postman carried the issue across your threshold. My sympathy for my predecessors has increased greatly, and I have a new appreciation for the diplomacy involved in satisfying a very diverse readership.
The biggest question that faces an editor is what to leave in and what to leave out.
Where is the line between balanced journalism and censorship? How do we decide what we can include within the covers of this magazine?
It is not an easy decision. Do we have to publish points of view that we disagree with to be considered balanced? ( yes - ed) Perhaps if we get an equal amount of criticism from agenderists, crossdressers, transsexuals, and transgenderists we will have achieved balanced journalism . . .
So here is my sophomore effort. I expect that this issue will be as well received as its predecessor. I would like to think the roughest waters are behind me now, but I am under no illusions that I can fulfill everyone’s wishes.
If you find the contents of these pages lack- ing, perhaps you should try your hand at writing a few articles and submitting them yourself, so you can share your perspective with everyone else.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association.
TransgenderTAPESTRY 5
TAPESTRY • ARTICLE
VICKY WEST
The first images of Transgender people many of us ever got to see were created by the late Vicky West of New York. Vicky was a brilliant graphic designer whose imagery shaped our very ideas of feminine sensuality. In this issue we take an in depth look at her life and art.
When Lee Brewster started publishing Drag Magazine in 1 97 1 , it was Vicky who provided the art and did the design work, which turned Lee’s political manifestoes into a magazine. Vicky’s role was more low key than Lee’s, but no less important.
Vicky was also brave enough to have her pictures prominently featured when Mariette Pathy Allen published Transformations: Crossdressers and Those Who Love Them in 1989. Vicky and Mariette became good friends. Her recent passing left behind a breathtaking collection of work done over many years. It is our privilege to be able to present her sketches in this issue, along with a fascinating interview with Bebe Scarpe about Vicky’s life and the New York drag scene of the 1970’s.
We are relying on Vicky to provide the artistic element for this issue, as well as an
element of controversy. Tapestry being a somewhat more tame publication than Drag Magazine was, we will not be surprised to hear a bit of an outcry over our decision to publish some of Vicky’s racier works. We spent a lot of time pondering the reper- cussions of the somewhat-adult content, and decided to publish it anyway.
It would have been a crime to airbrush out the details that might upset some people. Omitting the pieces in question would have substantially misrepresented the range of work Vicky created. In the final analysis, we decided her work was too beautiful to languish in obscurity. We ran it all as is.
In order to remain completely faithful to her work, we decided to print this tribute issue of Tapestry in black and white. We didn’t want the rich subtlety of Vicky’s charcoal sketches to be drowned out in a cacophony of color. We hope you find her work as powerful as we do.
Thank you Vicky.
Denise C. Leclair
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Transgen derTAPESTRY
The International Foundation For Gender Education, Inc.
272 Carroll St. NW 13 Felton St.
Washington, DC 20012 Waltham, MA 02454
(202) 207-8364 (781) 899-2212
Promoting Acceptance & Well-Being for Transgender People Through Outreach & Education
Dear Supporter,
We are excited to announce that IFGE has opened a new office in Washington DC!
After more than twenty-five years in the Boston area, IFGE’s Board of Directors is proud to make this vital investment in our future.
To better represent the interests of our membership and the transgender community, we are joining the conversation in our nation's capitol.
We have undergone many changes over the years, but opening an office in Washington is one of the biggest changes in IFGE's long history. The desire for greater representation in Washington has long been the subject of intense debate within our membership.
Yvonne Cook-Riley, IFGE's Board Chair, announced this reorganization initiative at the annual meeting this past April. We explored many possibilities during our research, including revising our programs, merging with other organizations, or relocating. We brought our governance up to date by adding term-limits and other changes to our bylaws, and we conducted an in-depth survey of IFGE members.
Our members told us they need IFGE to remain an independent voice. They also made it clear that Washington DC is the best place for that voice to be heard, and heard it will be! So this fall, IFGE's Board of Directors voted to open an additional office in the capitol of our nation.
We have raised more than half of the $50,000 we need to sustain this initiative. The increased investment required to maintain a Washington DC office means your support matters now more than ever. We’re able to represent the unique interests of the transgender community because individuals like you support our work. We are not beholden to big organizations to subsidize our operations, or to government grants that would limit our ability to speak out. We work for you!
Our focus on our core mission will not change. We’re still committed to producing our flagship publication Transgender Tapestry, and providing individuals with accurate information in a wide range of formats. We’ll also continue to handle magazine distribution and book sales from our Waltham location where it is most cost-effective.
Come and visit us in Washington or Waltham! Denise Leclair, our Executive Director, will be doing double duty in the two locations.
So bring her a cup of coffee, she’ll need it. Just give us a call before you stop in to say “Hi”, to be sure that she is actually in the office you’d like to visit.
But please, act now and help support this bold initiative. Make a tax-deductable contribution by phone (781) 899-2212 or by going to www.itge.org and clicking on the Donate Now button located on the upper left-hand side of our home page.
Thank you, once again, for your valuable and generous support!
Sincerely,
Nancy Cain Treasurer,
IFGE Board of Directors
Transgender TAPESTRY 7
TAPESTRY • LETTERS
[LBWLiBgj
Dear Ms. Leclair,
I was thrilled to receive your personal note along with the two copies of Tapestry. Thank You!
I was surprised to know that you noticed that I have been on your mailing list a long time. Being incarcerated 1 have been made to feel insignificant to and in our community, least of all noticed. The times I have sought out a mentor, pen-pal, a friend, and I divulged that I was incarcerated, I was shunned. This is why it is such a pleasant surprise that you noticed something about me.
As to your question: “Whether your transgen- der issues played a part in your sentencing?”
I would say indirectly it did. I don’t know if this is a common trait, I was very easily intimidated, and I would also go out of my way to please people so that they would accept me. I was intimidated by my co-defendant, the police, the whole court pro- ceedings. In all actuality I did more for the prose- cution to myself than they could. Yes I was involved, but not to the extent that was presented. When I was interrogated by the police everything was twisted around and my codefendant was sit- ting right next to me, and when no one was look- ing, make a motion like cutting a throat to me. When I was assigned a court appointed lawyer I tried to tell him what happened and how things came about. All he did was have me plead guilty. I was 21 at the time, I’m 53 now.
Some good news. Va. through settlement with the ACLU of Va. must provide inmates diagnosed with G.I.D. treatment. 1 have just finished being evaluated and am waiting to go to the endocrinolo- gist to start on hormones. I’m finally going to start on my transitioning! Isn’t that great!
Maybe you can help me with something. I really could use a mentor / pen pal — whatever. I will be transitioning alone, and I could use some support and guidance along the way.
Well so much for now. Thank You again for noticing me. Great job with the magazine. Best wishes to you and all my sisters in the community,
Sincerely Yours,
Antonia Angelina Mullahy
Dear Editor,
I have just finished with TT #110, and was (nega- tively) impressed with the large amount of cross- dressing material in it. I don’t remember the maga- zine being so full of it in the past.
I don’t think that the magazine can be all things to all of our subgroups. In the words of the “Our Readers” statement—
Our readers include crossdressers, transsexuals, transgenderists, intersexed persons, gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, heterosexuals, therapists, physicians, ministers, spouses and significant others, family members and friends.
Gasp! I think that this is really spreading it too thin. My interest in the magazine is inversely pro- portional to the amount of crossdressing material in it, with gay issues running a close second.
If 1 were the publisher, I would remove the crossdressers, gay men and lesbian categories from the “Our Readers” entirely. They already have pub- lications that address their issues. Take them out of Transgender Tapestry — please!
Ann Kavanaugh
Dear Ann,
The statement we include about “ Our readers” is largely an acknowledgment of who our readers are. Although we could take the readers out of Tapestry, we would not take Tapestry from our readers.
We hope and suspect they would continue to read our publication even if we did not list them on the masthead. In fact, we think that everyone should read Tapestry. What all LGBT people have in c ommon is the transgressing of gender boundaries, and that is the subject of our magazine. The bound- aries between the listed categories are far smaller than the boundaries we collectively cross.
Dear Editor,
My copy of the latest edition of Transgender Tapestry arrived today.
For your information, as it seems to have been lost in the new regime, Dallas Denny had the Andrea James article back in 2004 when it was written (note the copyright date). Dallas wrote me that she would not publish it as Andrea had already published it on her web site. The intention had been to publish it in the following edition had it been accepted by Dallas. Dallas gave Andrea every opportunity to respond to my article.
Your statement that it was not published together with my article due to space limitations is akin to Bush’s claims that Saddam Hussein plotted 9/1 1 with Al Quada. While it may serve your pres- ent purpose to re-write history, it is not accurate. Lying to your readers is a horrible way to start your term as Editor. Telling the truth would have been just as easy and less reprehensible. Oh yes, if you did not know the true story, you should have asked before publishing the false tale.
When I submitted my article to Dallas, Dallas contacted Andrea James, gave her a copy of my article, and asked for Andrea to reply. That is part
and parcel of professional ethics and responsible editing of a magazine. You elect to publish the James article referencing my prior article with no notice to me nor any opportunity to respond.
Given the rest of this issue that is most certainly consistent.
In closing, I must refer to one letter in the same edition. “The weight of the scientific-medical evidence that transsexualism is a medical condition has been persuasive for sometime and is now over- whelming” is set out without any citations as to this overwhelming evidence. Did I miss something? Zhou’s studies were never accepted by the scientific community as proof positive nor have any subse- quent studies expanded on that point. Anne Fausto-Sterling debunks Zhou in both of her books, and that is her area of specialization.
Then — “Science readily and regularly accepts propositions on less-than-conclusive evidence”. Certainly. Like Darwin, and it is then called a “Theory”. Medical science and biology have not accepted as fact the myth that transsexuals are born with “a woman’s brain in a man’s body”. It is a the- ory with Zhou and a few other professionals in support — and a large group of “fundamentalist transsexuals”. Meanwhile and still today, all patients who follow the Standards of Care are assessed under DSM-IV.
Your magazine used to have a fine reputation. It saddens me that in your first issue as Editor, you managed to demolish that reputation by pandering to “politically correct” views.
Yours truly,
Willow C. Arune
Dear Willow,
I appreciate your concern for our journalistic integri- ty. However, I believe it remains intact. I also appre- ciate your endearing comparison to the current regime. Although there are many additional consid- erations, space limitations underlie every decision of whether to publish an article or not. Since your arti- cle had previously been published on the Internet, it makes no sense to exclude Ms. James's on that basis. In fact, since her article was written in response to yours, not publishing it was more problematic ethi- cally, since it only presented one side of the conversa- tion. Parity required both articles be published.
Deborah Soshoux’s letter questioning GID is clearly her opinion, not a research paper. We don’t require footnoted citations for letters to the editor.
MOVING?
Make sure your Tapestry gets to you!
Contact us and give us your new mailing address!
E-mail: office@ifge.org, call: (781) 899-2212 (weekday afternoons E.S.T.), FAX: 781/899-5703, or write: IFGE, P.O. Box 540229 Waltham, MA 02254-0229.
Allow six weeks for changes.
8
TransgenderTAPESTRY nn
TAPESTRY • OPINION
Preoccupation with labels and semantics not only distracts the greater community from its objective, but when allowed to affect opinions on other matters can be extremely counterproductive.
Community Versus Agenda
by Robyn Webb, CTS
It is well known that the transgender phenomenon has occurred through time immemorial in every known culture on Earth. This alone would suggest the tremendous diversity that exists among transgender people. Add to this the isolation in which many transgender people exist, for no matter the degree of support and positive interaction, the journey of self-discovery we embark upon when we pursue our gender expression and transition is one we travel alone, and it is apparent why it seems so difficult to pull the T com- munity together under a unified banner.
During this time of increased public awareness, availabili- ty of information and instant communication, it is not sur- prising to see so many disparate opinions openly expressed. What is surprising is that in such an age of increased enlight- enment, there are those who insist upon emphasizing the dif- ferences, rather than the similarities that exist among the T community. The result is that more minor issues of semantics and appearance have become a distraction from the greater common social and political goal.
Among the ideas affecting the unity of trans people is the militant elitist attitude that those who identify as “true trans- sexuals” should remain autonomous, having no involvement with other elements ot the transgender community. Certainly, the health care and social concerns of persons in transition differ from those of people pursuing other forms of gender expression, but the greater social and political goal of toler- ance remains the same.
Further, such a view is not consistent with the overall objective of tolerance. Scientific evidence exists in the findings of the Dutch Brain Institute, recent- ly confirmed by a similar Belgian study, along with theories advanced by prominent American researchers and practitioners that support the view that the physiological cause of the transgender condition, no mat- ter the degree, is identical for all transgender people. Additionally, as each individual’s search for identity is unique, one might explore vari- ous forms of identity expression along the way. Thus, the heterosex- ual crossdresser of today might very well be the “true transsexual” of five years from now. Insistence that one
subgroup or other is more or less transgender than another would indicate that some degree of intolerance exists within a group who, themselves, seek tolerance.
There also would seem a wide disparity of ideas as to what members of the community should be called. Preoccupation with labels and semantics not only distracts the greater community from its objective, but when allowed to affect opinions on other matters can be extremely counter- productive. Discussion of such secondary issues should be pursued once major objectives are achieved. The principle objective is the establishment of unified movement. Once a solid foundation for community is established, minute and complicated internal issues such as acceptable nomenclature and specific sub-agenda items can be addressed. For the time being, it would appear that the presentation of a unified front is crucial to the success of the transgender movement.
While transgender activism has been practiced for some time now, this movement is still in its infancy. As a political force, the transgender platform is lacking planks, principle among which is unity. Certainly among a group of such wide- ly diverse and unique individuals, and considering how deeply personal the trans experience is, it is not easy to bring every- one to the table without their personal agenda. It’s perfectly natural to wish to be heard, but in a struggle such as ours, compromises and concessions must be made toward the greater goal. Such is the nature of politics. JT
dflBk Friday Night, April 13, 2007 is shaping up to be a
1 rollicking good time! After an expansive and delicious dinner buffet (careless eaters may want to consider wearing paisley), we’re looking forward to visits from an impressive line-up of notables: Joan of Arc, We Wah, Gertrude Stein, Christine Jorgensen, Brandon Teena, Sylvia Rivera, and RuPaul. They’ll all be there in a remarkable show: TransWorld! The Transgender History of the World, written and performed by Jade Estaban Estrada.
For more information on Transgender 2007, go to www.ifge.org/convention
TransgenderTAPESTRY 9
TAPESTRY • COLUMN
Ask Ari
by Ari Lev
—
Dear Ari:
I know that many lesbian and gay people are becom- ing parents, but what about transgender people. . .Do you think they should also have the right to have children?
Signed Smother (some other kind of mother)
I often have the experience of people cozying up to me at social events (in and out of the queer community) and, in hushed voices, asking me questions or disclosing infor- mation to me about themselves or family members who are crossdressers or transsexuals. Perhaps they have a nephew whose “effeminacy” they are concerned about, perhaps their dad has a locked trunk of women’s clothing in the basement, perhaps they like crossdressing for Halloween more than they want to admit. My work (and probably my non-trans identi- ty) becomes a magnet for emotional disclosures and an abun- dance of questions.
Once upon a time gay identity issues also provoked this kind of curiosity, but even with the religious right on our tail (ooooh), we’ve made enormous advances. Gay people have won the right to have sodomy in the privacy of our own homes with the permission of the Supreme Court and 60% of national adoption agencies will “let” lesbians and gay men adopt and foster children (they should be on their knees begging us). We have secured domestic partnership benefits in many localities and corporations, and, the whopper of all, the “permission” to join the institution of marriage in at least one state (since the 50% divorce wasn’t enough to scare us off). We have come a very long way since the days of bar raids, and being thrown out of colleges for clandestine homosexual encounters. We’ve come a long way in the past 40 years, light-years in fact, since the days when we would routinely lose custody of our children for any revelation about same-sex sexuality.
The political successes of the gay, lesbian, and bisexual community have not yet been granted to transgender and transsexual people. Trans people may retain some civil rights if they are in legal heterosexual marriages, although “ sex changes” routinely introduce questions about the validity of “same-sex” marriages — depending, of course, on the direction of your sex change, and the sex of your partner. If a person in a heterosexual relationship transitions, they may now be per- ceived of as in a same-sex relationship — hence the marriage may not be legally recognized; if a person in a same-sex rela- tionship transitions, they may now be perceived as heterosex- ual, and granted legitimacy in the eyes of a judicial system
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Transgender TAPESTRY
TAPESTRY • COLUMN
obsessed with heterosexual privilege and the power and significance of genitalia.
When a trans person is a parent, the legal system wields the force of hetero- sexism and gender normativity, jeopard- izing basic parental rights. When a cou- ple’s relationship does not survive transi- tion and there are children involved, the transgender person may find themselves embroiled in a legal custody battle, where their transgender status becomes a de facto justification for their incompetence as a parent. Woe to the couple or individ- ual who does not yet have children, and seeks to begin parenthood following a gender transition.
Trans people, just like LGB people, have always been parents. They may have been closeted, they may have buried their own truths deep down in their souls, pre- tending to be someone they are not in order to maintain a socially acceptable relationship with their children. They may have left their children in the care of ex- spouses, grandparents, or friends, disap- pearing in the night in order to live their dream. Perhaps their children never knew about them or their new lives, perhaps
they were told their parents were dead, or even worse, evil perverse people unworthy of love or respect. The idea that trans peo- ple have a right to BE parents, to retain custody of their children, to maintain rela- tionships with their children, is an idea whose time has finally come.
Thirty years ago a woman who stood up in court and admitted to being in a les- bian relationship was unlikely to secure custodial custody of her children. Today, in most courts (though not all) in the U.S., this would be a minor issue in the case, not impacting the “best interests of the chil- dren.” We need to extend these rights to trans people, so they can also stand up in court rooms, dressed how they like, using the pronouns they chose, regardless of their surgical or legal status as male or female and be treated with dignity and respect, secure that their gender identity or expression will not impact what is in the best interests of their children.
Trans people are coming of age.
Trans women are storing their semen before transition, hoping to biologically father the children they will someday mother. Trans men are getting pregnant,
shaking the foundation of medical sys- tem— bearded, balding men, large with pregnancies, birthing the children who will call them Papa.
Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver have new neighbors with whom little Beaver can play.
Transgender parents will need a great deal of support in the next decade, fight- ing for health coverage, fighting adoption agencies, fighting custody battles. LGB people must not rest on the laurels of all we have gained; we must use the political clout and social acceptance we have won to assure that the members of the larger LGB and T communities secure the same legal protections. It’s in the best interests of all of our children. TT
Arlene Istar Lev is a family therapist and is the author of The Complete Lesbian and Gay Parenting Book and Transgender Emergence, which has won the American Psychological Association, Division 44, Book of the Year award. She and her partner Sundance are the parents of Shaiyah, age 1 1, and Eliezer, age 6. You can reach her through www.choicesconsulting.com
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Transgender TAPESTRY 1 1
TAPESTRY • STORY
by Monica F. Helms
“I felt truly alone. No place to go. No friends to turn to. No hope. Only despair. I can do many jobs, but no one will hire me because Vm a transsexual. Where can I turn to?”
I stared at the television screen in disbelief as one of the World Trade Center buildings crumbled into dust, then the next one. The horror I witnessed would haunt me for the rest of my life and the news estimated that over 3000 peo- ple lost their lives that day. What they didn’t say — or know — was how many more lives would be impacted by that fatal day. I would soon find out that I, Alice Johnston, would be one of them.
A few weeks after September 1 1, 2001, the reality of a less secure world and a devastating disaster hit home for me.
My boss told us all that he would have to close the doors and let us all go. Business had dropped to near zero and his small company couldn’t absorb the loss. My roommate also worked there with me.
This news scared both my roommate and me because we’re both pre-operative transsexuals. The prospect of finding a job for many people after 9/11 looked grim at best, but for two transsexuals in Georgia, prospects looked grim even in the best of times. Discrimination runs ramped and is even seen as acceptable by most politicians and employers in the state when it comes to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. They would rather have us on the welfare rolls putting a drain on the state’s treasury than to have us as employed, tax-paying citizens. Drawing unemployment was how my roommate and I had to survive over the next several weeks. I have learned over the years that out of the entire human race, transgender people seem to be considered the most disposable in society. And yet, we have a lot to offer if people would only give us a chance to prove it.
Both my roommate and I had marketable skills to offer potential employers. She has training in computer repair and has extensive experience in warehouse management and I am a computer technician and programmer, plus I have a degree in Library Science. On top of that, I’m a decorated Army veteran of two wars. Someone was bound to hire me, or so I thought.
Over the next several months, my roommate and I applied for hundreds of jobs, but as soon as they found out — or guessed — that we were transsexuals, all bets were off. No one would call us back for a second interview. Even when we got that sacred second interview, we would be told things like, “You’re over-qualified,” or, “We’ll call you,” or, “We have other applicants to interview.” What they really wanted to say was, “Get yer sorry faggot ass out of my office!” 1 would have accepted that much better than their lies and deceit.
The time came when my roommate and I had to move out of our apartment and put our things in storage. We still had some weeks left on our unemployment, so that would help a
little. I planned on moving in with a friend and my roommate decided to see if Iowa would provide her better opportunities than Georgia. I love Georgia too much to want to move.
Packing my things was a terrible time for me. I enjoyed my video collection and my music, but I wouldn’t be able to take them to my friend’s house. When my roommate and I finished packing and moving everything into the storage unit, we shut the door and locked it. I had a strange feeling that I would never see my things again. Sadness came over me and I began to cry. People I helped in the past rejected helping me. The transgender community of Georgia turned their backs on me.
I lost my job and had no prospects and I would have to rely on the kindness of a person I hadn’t known very long. My room- mate and I hugged, then parted ways.
The woman I moved in with had a very interesting profes- sion. She was a Madam at an established bordello in the Atlanta area. One wouldn’t think a bordello could survive in the heart of the Bible Belt. But, since hypocrisy abounds in police departments throughout the South, the concept becomes a bit more plausible. The Madam probably paid pro- tection money to keep her business open.
At first, I survived by doing side computer work for several people and to help keep the bordello’s computer system run- ning. I also helped them maintain their security system and elaborate camera setups. It felt satisfying for a while, but I was- n’t making enough money to get out on my own. Something else needed to be done.
I continued applying for jobs in the computer industry, but they were getting harder to find, even a year after 9/11. The odd jobs I did couldn’t keep me in money, so I began doing something I never thought I could do. I started working at the bordello as a hooker. At first, the customers found it intriguing to have sex with a real live transsexual. I didn’t enjoy it, but the money was better than nothing. However, the novelty of hav- ing sex with a transsexual soon wore off with the regulars and the men stopped asking for me.
My personal relationships with the Madam also began to deteriorate. I really liked her, but she stopped finding me inter- esting any longer. One day, after a heated argument, she threw me out of the house. Luckily, another friend took me in and he tried to help me find a job. That never went anywhere. I began feeling helpless and alone. Many of my friends had either stopped calling or turned their backs on me. I heard from my old roommate that she got training as a truck driver and found work with one of the large carriers. She tried to talk me into going into the same business, but I could never pic- ture myself as a truck driver.
12
TransgenderTAPESTRY
TAPESTRY • STORY
Not too long after moving in with my friend, he had to move and 1 couldn’t stay with him. In December 2002, 1 real- ized I would soon become homeless for the first time in my life. The prospect of being homeless frightened me. “Why is this happening to me?” I asked myself. “1 didn’t ask to be a transsexual. If I didn’t have a choice then why are people treat- ing me so badly?”
I felt truly alone. No place to go. No friends to turn to. No hope. Only despair. 1 can do many jobs, but no one will hire me because I’m a transsexual. Where can I turn to?
The last chance I had was to see if a homeless shelter would take me. I began calling around to all the women’s shelters in Atlanta, but I had to be up front with them. Each time I told them that I was a pre-op transsexual they would tell me 1 wouldn’t be accepted in their facility. 1 called a few men’s shelters to see what they could tell me and they said they would accept me only if I presented as a man. They wanted me to deny my identi- ty and lie to them and myself before I would be accepted. Even then, I could easily become a victim of rape or vio- lence once they found out I was a trans- sexual. My options had run out.
My friend gave me access to his com- puter one last time, so I put an automatic message on my Yahoo E-mail address.
The message said, “I will soon become homeless and since homeless shelters won’t take in transsexuals, I’m a goner.”
Where is my family? They have all abandoned me. Where are all my friends? What friends? The transgender commu- nity here in Georgia never wanted to help
me. I didn’t fit their narrow viewpoint of what a transsexual is supposed to “prop- erly” do to transition. Others who still say they’re my friends are either gone or in a situation no better than mine. Is this what I have left after all the things I’ve been through? Nothing? I was safer in Iraq during Desert Storm. At least I was treated better there.
My car still worked, just barely. 1 have only one thing to do. Time for a road trip. After driving for 45 minutes I arrived at my destination, the Chattahoochee River. My jacket kept me from freezing. I could hear the water moving and the moonlight reflected off of the ripples. No one else would have dared to be out on a night like this. But, I had a plan.
As I unwrapped the towel, I revealed my one last true friend, my trusty .357 Smith and Wesson. I felt its cold steel and its well-balanced weight in my hands. Out of everything 1 gave up in the last fifteen months, I could never part with my .357. Now, it has become my last piece of pleasure in my lonely, miserable life.
“Why am I a transsexual?” I screamed. The trees dampened my voice. “Why am I a transsexual?” I whispered. I got no answers. Tears flowed from my eyes as I cocked the hammer. “All I wanted to do was to live my life as me.” My .357 seemed lighter somehow. “I didn’t ask for this life.” I lifted the gun. “I just wanted to live.” I felt the cold steel barrel pressing against my temple. “But, they wouldn’t let me.” My hand shook and I lowered the pistol. “This is what they wanted me to do.” I raised the .357 once more. “They’re getting their wish.” My finger
tightened around the trigger. “They got what they wanted.” I pulled my finger back. “They got me. . . “ -W
On December 17, 2002, Alice was found along the Chattahoochee River, a .357 slug had shattered her skull.
This happened two years after the City of Atlanta passed a non-discrimination law that covered transgender people and included public accommodations, such as homeless shelters. Not only did homeless shelters broke the law and failed to help her, but so did the rest of society.
Alice was my friend and I failed her, too.
This story was written for and submitted to Atlanta Pride 's short story con- test. Stories had to be based on fact and could be no longer than 2000 words. The top two stories were to be printed in the magazine. "Alice" was one of two stories selected. When the editor of the magazine contacted me, he told me it was going to be edited to fit on one page. This surprised me, because the contest was for 2000 words, so one would figure they budget- ed space for two 2 000-word stories. I offered to edit it from its original 1 700 words and sent it back with 1 300 words. He then cut an additional 1 60 words. He told me he had edited out the suicide scene because it might be too much for some people to handle. I told him not to print the story because the suicide scene IS the story — Monica Helms
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TAPESTRY • ARTICLE
I’ve been fortunate enough to be involved in the formation of two national transgender conferences. One was what is now called The FTM Conference of the Americas — but I’ll tell that story another time. The other is the Southern Comfort Conference, held every Fall in Atlanta, Georgia.
Annually, for some 15 years now, both MTF and FTM transpeople, family members, and helping professionals of every imagina- ble stripe have converged on my home town for three days of fun, celebration, network- ing, and learning. We’re not talking small numbers, either — attendance regularly exceeds 500 and may have been as high as 750 or 800 some years. This makes SCC the transgender community’s largest event, since nobody believes the inflated numbers GenderPac claims for their conference.
SCC is a high-energy, often frenetic event, with something for everyone, from first-timers frightened to come out of their hotel room; to grizzled activist veterans who spend their time planning genderrevolution in the hallways; to surgery shoppers; to the kinky crowd, who were present in numbers enough several years ago to cause hotel man-
The conference has much to offer, and so does Atlanta. Many participants and organizers arrive in The City Too Busy to Hate as much as a week early, just to hang out and have a good time.
agement to pull the plug on the sex — did I say sex? I meant “pajama” — party in one of the suites because of over-occupancy; to admirers; to helping professionals. There are both FTMs and MTFs (the latter predomi- nating), with a good mix of crossdressers, transsexuals, and those walking their own gendered paths. The conference has much to offer, and so does Atlanta. Many participants and organizers arrive in The City Too Busy to Hate as much as a week early, just to hang out and have a good time. Indeed, many of the attendees and organizers consider Southern Comfort their family of choice.
It’s great that such a wonderful event is held less than 30 minutes from my doorstep. I have never missed and hope never to miss my SCC.
How did such a thing as Southern Comfort come about? Opinions may differ, but my recollection is that back in 1990, Sabrina Marcus, on a trip to Boston, visited IFGE headquarters and asked then -Executive Director Merissa Sherrill Lynn to start a con- ference in the Southeast. Merissa replied that IFGE had no plans for a Southern confer- ence, but would help the folks in the South put one together. As a result, representatives
TransgenderTAPESTRY
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TAPESTRY • ARTICLE
Transgen derTAPESTRY
TAPESTRY • ARTICLE
from some one dozen transgender groups from as far apart as Virginia and Louisiana met with a contingent from IFGE at the now-bulldozed La Quinta Inn on Monroe Drive in Atlanta’s Midtown. I was there. We talked about the conference: where would we have it? When? What would it be like? What would it be called? By the time of the cele- bratory dinner at the end of the day, we had the answers to those questions.
We decided that each group would con- tribute a small amount (it was either $150 or $200, if memory serves) to seed the event. I remember that AEGIS, the nonprofit I had just started, didn’t yet have a bank account or any money to put into one, and I recall digging into my own less-than-substantive pockets to find AEGIS’ share of the seed money. It was a donation that has been repaid in kind many times.
From the start, there was a tension among the organizers. Most of the groups got along well, but relations were strained between the Montgomery Foundation and AEGIS, enough so that the conference itself was jeopardized. After things blew up in the wrap-up of the second SCC, concerned committee members took steps to establish the conference as an independent entity. It was, of course, the best thing that could have happened, as it gave SCC a life and identity of its own. It has flourished and will continue to shine. If you “do” transgender conferences, you owe it to yourself to attend at least one SCC. W
Opposite Page: Top (Left to Right): Julie Johnson, Olivia, Holly Boswell, Barbara Ellis, Claire Roberts, Cat Turner, Eden Lane / Middle (Left to Right): Jennifer Finney Boylan, Ann Grogan, Tiffany Manchester / Lower (Left to Right): Nancy Cain, Cast of "Chicago:" Tiffany Manchester, Kim Ribbons, Michelle Cooper
This Page: Clockwise from Top Left: Denise Leclair and Shelley Emeson, Lisa Mottet, Julie Johnson and Olivia, Eden Lane, Mara Kiesling, "The Chief," Sabrina Marcus and Dr. Jamie Kaufman, Cat Turner and Kristin Reikman
The founders of SCC were the various Southeastern groups. All or almost all of the groups in the South were involved — a dozen or so, as I recall. They included the Phoenix Transgender Support Group in Asheville, and, from Atlanta, the Montgomery Foundation, the American Educational Gender Information Service, and the Sigma Epsilon and possibly the Kappa Beta chapters of Tri-Ess. The regional group Magnolia Gender Alliance was also a founding organization. Those are the ones I'm sure of.
I know there were others, including, I believe, the Gulf Gender Alliance and Sigma Nu Rho from Virginia, but time has dimmed my memory. In fact, it's because of my limited recollection that your editor is writing this. If you, dear and gentle reader, have pho- tos or memories of the SCC organizational meeting at the La Quinta, and especially if you can help to reconstitute the list of the founding organizations, I would love to hear from you. Send your comments and suggestions to <editor@ifge.org>.
V
Transgender TAPE ST RY
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TAPESTRY • COLUMN
Go Ask Alice
Friends, trannies, country-women, rest your feet and lend me your ears. As many of you know from my nothing-if-not-colorful memoir, Alice in Genderland, I’m a psychiatrist and a crossdresser. Through this unusual looking glass, I explore issues like cross- dressing, transitioning, relationships, and sexuality.
I’m a California based psychotherapist and psychophar- macologist and member of the World Professional Association for Transgender Health. I’ve worked with a great many transgendered people, as well as gay, lesbian, bi, and yes even straight people, i welcome your ideas for future topics at Alice. novicdPverizon. net.
Dear Alice,
I've read your book and figured you'd be the perfect per- son to ask for a fresh, new idea about where to go when I'm dressed up. Do you go anywhere fun with your wife? How about with your boyfriend?
Dressed Up in Detroit Dear Dressed Up,
Though I’m still blessed to be a happily married father of two in an open relationship, neither Melissa nor Frank jump at the chance to be out with me in public. So instead, last summer I teamed up with my TS friend Linda and learned to whistle a new tune: “Take Me Out to the Ball Game.”
When Linda first suggested a trip to Dodger Stadium,
1 thought she must be out of her mind. I imagined we’d be a pair of six-foot lightning rods, getting read right and left, stared at, taunted, and perhaps even — god forbid — beat up. But my pal assured me, “I’ve already seen plenty of games in pigtails; nothing will happen.”
Am I suggesting you T-ladies try this in your own hometown? Yes, I am, but I must admit to a few advantages that Linda and I had up front. First of all, though Linda still works as a man, she has breast implants and has to wear a tight jog bra under her shirt and tie. She also — ooh, I just hate her sometimes — has her own lovely head of blonde hair. Secondly, I am admittedly a little more than your aver- age crossdresser. I’ve been on a light dose of estrogen for years, have little hair left on my face, and have had tasteful touch-ups to my nose and brow.
Though happy for every little edge, I knew none would guarantee my safe passage. So, I set out to do what every insecure genetic does: look yawningly appropriate and absolutely indistinguishable from any other girl at the game.
At our seats, the men, women, and even a couple of children around us were neighborly, though none of the guys were the least bit flirty — further evidence we wereWt fooling anybody.
In a crinkly silk blouse, jeans, and Keds, I jumped into Linda’s convertible, and we sped off to Chavez Ravine.
With time to spare before the first pitch, we hustled over to the main gift shop. There, I discovered all kinds of sweet, cute bleacher ware. The Dodgers, like all the major-league teams, offer pink, white, and powder-blue versions of their shirts and caps, which I eagerly snapped up, along with — can you believe it — a Dodger scrunchie. We stood in line for hot dogs and light beers, applied condiments, and, juggling our trays and shopping bags, found our way to our seats.
Although Linda was convinced we were passing, I noticed how about one in ten people would look at us too long, and I would feel my shoulders hunching up, like the backswept ears of a nervous horse. “Okay, that was a read,” I’d tell myself, while easing my shoulders back and smiling, “But, damn it, let’s make it a good read.” I also noticed that if I put horse blinders on and stopped looking over my shoulder, I could stay oblivious to most of the double-takes. Besides, everyone was super-polite. The Dodger-dog lady had ma’amed both of us and been extra- kindly, like she might have been to two obvious foreigners.
And, thank god, no one had seemed to give a darn about us quietly helping ourselves to stalls in the ladies’ room.
At our seats, the men, women, and even a couple of chil- dren around us were neighborly, though none of the guys were the least bit flirty — further evidence we weren’t fooling anybody. I guess if there were any tranny chasers in our sec-
by Alice Novik, M.D.
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transgenderTAPESTRY
TAPESTRY • COLUMN
Being accepted by the general public's no big deal. Try winning the acceptance of your coworkers, clients, family, and partner.
tion, they weren’t about to approach us and put their desires on display for their friends. So, by the seventh-inning stretch, the score was no hassles, no hits, and one error. The Latin guy behind me got so excited by a home run that he splashed some of his beer on my back. His embarrassed wife apologized for him immediately and made him mop me up with napkins.
Of course, most of the time, Linda and I simply sat back and watched the ballgame, something I’d be delighted to do after long, hard week whether I was wearing men’s or women’s jeans. And to top it off, Linda used to be a pitcher in
high school. So 1 was finally able to learn the difference between a slider and a sinker, a good thing with my precocious six-year old entering little league and likely to ask me that question any day.
We sauntered out of the stadium in the top of the ninth and, perceiving the dark parking lot to be a bit of a danger zone, proceeded swiftly to our car, as any women might. After such a fun first and five more times like it last summer, I remarked, “I can’t believe how easy it’s been to go to baseball games.”
“Being accepted by the general pub- lic’s no big deal,” my single pal explained with a rueful smile. “Try winning the
acceptance of your coworkers, clients, family, and partner.”
Those are challenges I’m not plan- ning to face anytime soon — if at all. But in the meantime, I’m looking forward to having a lot more fun in public, and I’d encourage each of you to try it to. You’ll be pleasantly surprised. -W
Alice Novic's memoir, Alice in Genderland, is available at www.ifge.org, www.iilniverse.com, Amazon.com, and other online bookstores.
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■
TransgenderTAPESTRY
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TAPESTRY • ARTICLE
by Bree Hartlage
It is very important for me to be of service and to give back to the Transgender community — to contribute to the effort of making sure that there is ever more support available to those seeking assis- tance along their journey. Service work comes in many forms. I am writing today with respect to my position as a member of the IFGE Board of Directors (BOD). I was hon- ored to be elected to the IFGE BOD at the annual meeting in March 2005. Oh but those sly devils on the board weren’t going to let me off the hook easily — once on the board, I was
Winslow Street in
/ Provincetown, MA. A group of ( /Cyt/l / dedicated leaders spent most
of their week in Provincetown developing a three (3) year strategic plan to enable IFGE to meet the growing needs and demands of the Transgender community; and to meet the increasing financial demands of serving this community while also educating the busi- ness, political, medical, and general community leaders. An important part of the strategic plan was the creation of the WSF, which was envisioned as a tool to ensure the long term financial stability of the transgender community and IFGE.
The founders of the WSF had high hopes and expectations, some of which have materialized and some that have not.
As described above, a fundamental tenant of the original intent was to create an endow- ment fund that would fund IFGE in perpetuity so that the organization could focus on it’s mission of education and service to the TG community without having to constantly fundraise. Unfortunately, this goal
■■■■■Hi
Regardless of how many times I have done it, public speaking makes me nervous enough to fill my stomach with butterflies. I feel the same way as I sit here preparing to write my first article for Tronsgender Tapestry. Deep breaths and it will be OK once I get started ....
asked to serve as the Chairperson for the Winslow Street Fund (WSF) Board of Trustees. Not knowing what I was really in for, I said yes. The BOD approved my “nomi- nation” faster than I could blink my eyes. You may have the same question I had after being elected — -“what exactly is the WSF?”.
The mission of the WSF is to raise an endowment, to be managed in trust, in support of IFGE’s mission and in support of the transgender community such that every person has the freedom to self-determination of sex, gender identity, gender expression, and gender / body congruency without legal or societal restrictions.
The WSF was conceived in 1990 during a series of historical meetings that took place during Fantasia Fair at the Chicago House on
has not come to fruition yet. Another primary purpose for the endowment fund was to provide funds for worthwhile projects and efforts in support of the TG community through grants. Numerous grants have been awarded through the years, ranging in amounts from $200 to $2,000. Some of the grant recipients over the years include: Transgender Law Conference (ICTLEF), Spouses/Partners International (SPICE), International Congress on Gender, Cross-Dressing & Sex, American Educational Gender Information Service (AEGIS),
FTM Compass Group, Gender Education Advocacy Photocopy Project, The Center for Lesbian & Gay Studies (CLAGS),
Kansas Medical Education Foundation (KMEF), Gender- Variant People and their Families Professional Symposium, Albany TG
Social Center, and the Gulf Gender Association (to aid in recovery from Hurricanes Katrina & Rita).
The current Board of Trustees are work- ing hard to insure the following:
• Board of Trustees remains viable and provides proper governance of the endow- ment fund independent of IFGE BOD.
• endowment fund is invested in the best means possible to promote growth of the fund, while managing risk
• raise additional capitol through fund raising
• evaluate grant applications and make award to most deserving projects in sup- port of the TG community.
Members and supporters of the TG com- munity are welcome to and encouraged to donate to the WSF at any time. Contributions can be made via check, cash or credit card via the IFGE office — just be sure to indicate that the contribution is for the WSF. Additionally, contributions can be made via a Last Will and Testament, i.e. “your will.” Assistance is avail- able from the IFGE office or on the website (www.ifge.org ).
Grants are typically awarded at our annual conference each spring. Applications should be received by January 15th each year to be considered for award announcement at the conference. All of the details for applying have recently been added to the web site.
In my next article, I will introduce the current board of trustees. In closing, I would be remiss if I didn’t take time to thank the founders of the fund, Laura Caldwell, Abby Sayp'en, Michelle Miles, Wilma Young, and Laura Smiley. These wise women were supported by Joni Chrismann, Yvonne Cook- Riley and Merissa Sherrill Lynn. Through the years, Alyson Laing and Kristine James also provided significant support to the WSF.
All of us in the TG community owe each of these folks a great deal of gratitude for estab- lishing and maintaining this valuable asset that is unique within the TG community. JT
for more information about The Winslow Street Fund, refer to:
http: //www. if ge.org /index. php?na me = FAQ&id_cat= 6
20
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By Shirley Boughton
My wife Carol and I returned to our home in rural northwest Florida on June 27, 2005 after an exhaust- ing and eventful 38-day trip to Thailand. While in Bangkok, I underwent genital re- assignment surgery under the capable hands of Dr. Preecha Tiewtranon and the medical staff of the Preecha Aesthetic Institute. GRS was the central focus and primary reason for this travel adventure, but we wanted to spend extra time both before and after surgery in order to see and enjoy this exotic, historic, and foreign land. We wanted to meet the Thai people and to experience Thai culture, food, and handicraft. We also planned short visits to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, and Taipei, Taiwan.
Neither of us had traveled to Southeast Asia before. Even though I was on active duty in the U.S. Army from 1962-1964 and in the U.S. Air Force from 1966-1967, 1 had some- how avoided the all-expense-paid trip to the region offered by my military employers.
Why, after years of struggle and confu- sion, did I finally opt to undergo GRS, a serious, potentially life-threatening, and defi- nitely life-altering surgical procedure? After all, I am in a committed and loving relation- ship with a supportive wife. 1 am not interest- ed in pursuing sexual relationships with men (that particular predilection in the past rewarded me with HIV disease as well as legal and relationship problems). I have traveled through 60 years of life on this planet cloaked (mostly) in my male persona.
So — why? Because my intellectual and spiritual reflections had led me to understand that I can never be either fully male or female. I am “other.” I am transgendered, with elements of both male and female genders.
I can and do flow between the binary gender constructs as the situation warrants.
On the surface, there is no functional rationale for me to change my genital config- uration. Why, then, do it? Why can I not be satisfied to live out my life without taking this drastic step?
For each transgendered person, the answer is different. For me, my genital config- uration has always been critical to my internal sense of gender and sexual identity. Since puberty, when my hormones began to activate my preprogrammed sexuality, I have known that the male genitalia with which I was born didn’t fit with my sense of self. I fought this disturbing fact in many ways over many years, desperately trying to carve out a life shaped by my birth genital configuration, in opposi- tion to what my mind and spirit told me. Although I was successful in many ways, I knew at some deep level that I was a fraud —
that my public male persona did not reflect my inner truth.
Ultimately my house of cards, carefully constructed to constrain, mask, and suppress my inner (mostly) female identity, collapsed in a series of catastrophic personal disasters. As a result, I suffered from depression and occasional suicidal ideation. As I reached my 55th birthday, the only thing in my life that proved to be real, true, and inviolable was the love Carol and I share for one another.
After intense therapy, study, and reflection I realized, at least on an emotional and intellec- tual level, that I identified significantly more as a female than as a male. Given the binary nature of gender within our culture, I felt a strong need to transition in that direction.
Spiritually this male-to-female transition path was profoundly blessed during my encounter with God during a retreat in January 2004 (see Tapestry #107 — Ed). I had tried to find a middle place short of surgery
by using estrogen therapy and electrolysis, but after my retreat encounter I knew intuitively that I needed to align my genitals with my mind and spirit. I needed to do this in order to more fully free my inner spirit and be able to answer the call of the Holy Spirit. Yet I did not want to take this step if it meant losing the love of my life.
As a result of this impasse, I spiraled deeper into depression. I was in a no-win situation, frozen into transitional immobility. Then, miraculously, about one year ago, Carol, out of her deep love for me, told me she thought that even though she couldn’t fully understand my angst, she could live with my decision to undergo surgery.
It was as if a light had come on. My depression lifted immediately when I realized that I had received her blessing to proceed.
I began the research process to find the best location and surgeon to perform this surgery within the limits of our budget and my own health constraints.
Why did we choose Thailand? The prac- tical rationale follows. The spiritual reasons
became evident only during our brief sojourn in Thailand.
My initial intuitive choice was to go to Dr. Marci Bowers, who had recently taken over Dr. Biber’s surgical practice in Trinidad, Colorado. My feeling was that as one of us, a post-operative transsexual woman who had been trained by a surgeon with many years of experience in the sex change business, she was a good candidate. However, her limited expe- rience at GRS, the relatively high costs, and the location — a remote Colorado town with no other attractions — made me hesitate.
I also considered going to Montreal, for surgery there is less expensive than in the U.S. The weather in Montreal, though, is just too iffy for our tastes — and intuitively, this selec- tion didn’t feel right for me.
Several transgender friends advised me to consider going to Dr. Preecha in Bangkok. He and his staff have done thousands of sex change operations since he began this practice
Why, after years of struggle and confusion, did I finally opt to undergo GRS, a serious, potentially life-threatening, and definitely life-altering surgical procedure?
*
TransgenderTAPESTR Y 2 1
TAPESTRY • ARTICLE
in 1978. His GRS procedure is accomplished in a single step, whereas many surgeons require two separate surgeries to get the job done. This would limit the stress on my damaged immune system. In addition, the cost of GRS in Thailand is significantly less than charges for the same procedure in the U.S. and Canada — even with the 30% premium I would be charged because of my HIV status.
Another factor was that Carol was much more excited by the prospect of visiting Thailand than either Trinidad or Montreal. She had been entranced by Thailand ever since she had worked as an Air Force personnel staffing specialist at Scott AFB in Illinois from 1968 to 1972; .
there, she processed the transfer of other federal civil service employees to Thailand and other overseas locations.
We also realized that potentially, we could use our Marriott timeshare property and accumulated Marriott Vacation Club points to help defray the costs of airfare and hotel accom- modations in Thailand. We could, potentially, turn the trip into an excit- ing and exotic vacation as well as a medical trip. This sealed it. The deci- sion was made, and most reservations were in place by December 2004.
Fortuitously, our timeshare trade request for the Marriott Beach Resort in Phuket was approved through Interval International for the week prior to our planned arrival in Bangkok. This happened in early December, before the tsunami struck and devastated much of the island’s western coast. Again miraculously, the Marriott Resort was relatively unscathed by this natural disaster. In our minds this was a good omen. We adjusted our flight schedule to include the extra week on Phuket Island.
After making the arrangements, I began having second thoughts about going to Thailand for GRS. Bangkok is so far from home. What if things went wrong during surgery? How would Carol fare alone in a strange land while I languished in the hospital and then in the recovery hotel? How would I find medical support for problems that might arise after returning home?
Compounding my fears was the lack of communication from the Preecha Aesthetic Institute after scheduling my June 3rd surgery date in October. I was receiving no responses to email questions and concerns. I had heard
good reports about Dr. Preecha’s work, but I didn’t actually know anyone who had had her GRS done there.
I was eventually able to talk to two trans- sexual women in Tampa via telephone, which allayed some of my fears. Finally, I encoun- tered two other women at the IFGE confer- ence in Austin, Texas, in April. They had both gone to Dr. Preecha for GRS and were happy with the results. I was much more confident after meeting these women.
I also met Marci Bowers at the confer- ence when I attended her workshop. I was impressed with her work and 1 really liked her on a personal level. She reassured me that going to Dr. Preecha was a good and reason- able choice.
As our departure date grew closer, com- munications with the Preecha’s staff improved dramatically.
The journey halfway around the globe from Florida to our first destination — Phuket Island on Thailand’s southwestern coast, via Delta Air and Malaysian Air — was both grueling and exhausting. We left the Okaloosa Air Terminal shortly after 1 pm on Friday, May 20th, then endured four aircraft changes and
more than 24 hours of flight time, plus an unexpected overnight delay in Kuala Lumpur, before finally arriving at the Phuket Airport, a day late, on the afternoon of Monday, May 23rd.
Carol started the trip with pneumonia, which didn’t enhance her enjoyment of the air transport leg of our journey. Her doctor had only reluctantly allowed her to travel. But we spent six glorious days relaxing in the lush tropical surroundings (also read “hot and very humid”) of the Marriott Phuket Beach Resort, which is nestled beside the Andaman Sea. The rest helped us recover from the long and arduous trip across the great Pacific Ocean. Carol’s pneumo- nia symptoms abated significantly.
We were able to do some sightsee- ing and shopping while on Phuket Island. Our activities included, among other things, riding an ele- phant and seeing Simon’s Cabaret, a fabulous drag performance in Patong Beach.
We left Phuket Island on May 29th, taking a Royal Thai Air flight to Bangkok, where we spent the next three days at Marriott’s Bangkok Resort on the Chao Phraya River. This additional respite allowed us time to visit some of the must-see tourist attractions in Bangkok, including Wat Pho (home of the famous Reclining Buddha), the Grand Palace, and Wat Phra Kaeo (home of the Emerald Buddha). We took a dinner cruise on a converted rice barge up the Chao Phraya River, and, of course, visited jewelry and silk shops. We also experienced our first and only monsoon rain storms.
After ten days of vacationing in Thailand, I was rested and ready to face my GRS process. Up to this point, I was still pre- senting in my “male” persona. On the morn- ing of Wednesday, June 1st, I changed into my female persona and remained en femme until we departed Bangkok on June 23rd.
We were transferred (via the Preecha Institute van) from the Marriott to the BNH Hospital. The hospital, which used to be called the British Nursing Home, is located on Convent Street in Bangkok’s Silom district. It was, we discovered, close to foreign embassies, major shopping centers, and excellent restau- rants, and was within walking distance of the Patpong District — one of Bangkok’s most notorious red light areas.
22
TransgenderTAPESTRY
TAPESTRY • ARTICLE
After a brief visit to the 7th floor Preecha Institute suite, we were escorted (with tons of luggage!) to room 1620 on the 6th floor; that was to be our home for the next seven nights.
I was given the hospital bed, while Carol was forced to sleep on the room’s sofa, which doubled as a bed.
We met the following morning with Dr. Preecha for a pre-surgery consult, during which he explained the GRS procedure in graphic detail, with photos from an earlier operation. 1 didn’t blink! I wasn’t at all con- cerned about the pending loss of my male genitalia.
The three-hour-plus procedure needed to change me from a genital male into a geni- tal female was accomplished under general anesthesia in a modern operating suite on the third floor of the BNH Hospital on Friday afternoon, June 3rd. Five hours after being taken to the operating suite, I was wheeled back to Room 1 620 from the recovery room with my new genital configuration packed with and hidden by bandages. Carol was fran- tic with worry because the Preecha Institute staff had failed to keep her informed of my status. Even though many staff members spoke some English and were friendly and accommodating, communication was a con- sistent problem throughout our stay in the BNH Hospital.
I was able to eat solid food almost imme- diately after surgery. I was, however, pretty much confined to my hospital bed for the next five nights due to the packing, the IV stuck in my wrist, and the need to carry my blood and urine collecting bottles with me whenever I did try to walk away from my bed (which the nursing staff encouraged me to do).
Carol was able to get out and explore the nearby shops and restaurants, and she took full advantage of her mobility. Oh, well! 1 had some books to read and a limited selection of English language television channels to watch. Still, the time in the hospital passed very slowly.
I worried that my new plumbing wouldn’t work properly. I worried that I would become constipated and that the straining might be counterproductive to the surgery site. I worried about infection. Since I had decided to stop my HIV antiretroviral medication for the duration of my stay in Thailand, I also worried about a viral rebound with a medication-resistant HIV strain! Why was I going through with this major, life-altering surgery? Why did I com- pound the problems by traveling so far away from friends and family? What would I do if Carol chose to leave me now — if she aban-
doned our 30 years of life together, as she had every right to do?
As I lay trapped in my hospital bed, these unwelcome questions and concerns kept up a constant barrage on my psyche. I became depressed by what some would call buyer’s remorse.
Some of my fears were allayed when the bandages, packing, and catheters were removed and my new (red, swollen, and painfully tender) female genitalia were exposed to view. This was done five days after the operation. My plumbing and bowels worked just fine, thank you! Infection was not a problem, perhaps because I was on antibiotic therapy during the entire trip.
Most importantly, Carol accepted my changed state in stride and continued to be my wife, my best friend, my loving support, and my partner in life. As for the HIV, it did rebound significantly in the absence of med- ication— exploding within my blood from 95 to nearly 330,000 virons/ml in less than two months! Fortunately, genotyping indicated that the virus hadn’t developed significant resist- ance to any of the available antiretroviral med- ications on the market. Needless to say, with the exception of a reduced dosage of estrogen,
I resumed my pre-GRS medical regimen!
After removing the bandages and ensur- ing that my plumbing worked, I was finally allowed to take a shower and wash my hair — an unbelievable pleasure after so many days lying in the hospital bed. I was then taught how to dilate and cleanse my new body parts, something I will have to do twice each day for the next several months. So far — believe me on this — the dilation process yields no sexual pleasure.
At this juncture, I was released from the hospital, and we moved about one block away, to the Swiss Lodge. Again, there was some miscom- munication with the Preecha Institute staff; moving the two of us and our luggage became a huge problem, especial- ly with me in no condi- tion to help.
In the confusion, the Institute also failed to provide the promised doughnut cushion, and I forgot to ask for it. The absence of this cushion made sitting painful and uncomfort- able for the next several weeks.
Carol finally took some of the luggage and wheeled it to the hotel. With that, I was able to squeeze into a small taxi with the rest of our stuff. With the terrible rush hour Bangkok traffic, it took almost an hour for the taxi to get around the block to the Swiss Lodge.
According to the Institute’s website instructions, I was supposed to take the next several days to rest and heal with staff assis- tance. That just didn’t happen. Carol kept me moving — mostly shopping and walking to nearby restaurants. This was way more activity than I would have chosen to do on my own.
No one from the Preecha Institute ever came to the Swiss Lodge to assist me or to check on me. I did, however, have a number of scheduled follow-up visits to the Institute.
I still failed to ask for my doughnut cushion, but many of my questions and concerns about aftercare were answered during these visits.
In retrospect, this arrangement worked fine for us, and our room at the Swiss Lodge was far and away more comfortable than our quarters at the BNH Hospital.
After eight nights in the Swiss Lodge, we moved again. With the help of the Institute’s
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TransgenderTAPESTRY 23
TAPESTRY • ARTICLE
van and driver, we transferred to the J.W. Marriott Hotel in the Sukhumvit district. This hotel caters to businessmen and women, but we planned to use it as a base to see other parts ot the city and the surrounding countryside.
From the medical perspective, I was now healed sufficiently to suffer through the long flight home — but our plans were to take an extra week to sightsee, shop, and explore more of Thailand before heading home. Physically this was demanding for me, since I was still tender and swollen in my private parts. Economically, the extra week was resource- draining, since we transferred much of our budget to Thai merchants as a way of -helping their economy. Spiritually, however, the deci- sion to stay and explore was a good choice for me. Through a series of encounters and reflec- tions, the spiritual answer to the question, “Why Thailand?” became clearer to me.
This began to happen when Carol found a book in a bookstore while we were explor- ing and shopping near the Swiss Lodge — The Third Sex; Kathoey: Thailand’s Ladyboys by Richard Totman (Souvenir Press, 2003). I was reluctant to purchase this book because 1 assumed — wrongly — that it simply exploited or sensationalized transgender performers in Thailand. Carol talked me into buying it, and 1 read it from cover to cover. Totman, as it turns out, is a research fellow at Oxford University in England. He is one of the fore- most researchers into the psychosomatic causes of illness. He teaches for part of each year in Thailand, where he became interested in the kathoey. The book is a well-researched treatise on the MTF transgender population
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of Thailand; the book even cites Dr. Preecha in the acknowledgements section (though Totman was not aware of this).
The kathoey are accepted within the Buddhist culture of Thailand, especially in rural areas, as simply another form of human- ity. When Thai children self-identify as kathoey (and about 5% do), they are most often supported and encouraged by their families, provided with “big sisters” as guides, and frequently given over-the-counter antian- drogens to slow masculinization until they become young adults. According to Totman (page 51), the Buddhist scriptures (the Tipitaka), which flowed to Thailand from India through Sri Lanka between 800 and 1000 years ago, identify four gender types that were in existence from the beginning. This is in sharp contrast to the two gender types in the Judeo-Christian origin mythology. The current fabulous-staged kathoey performances in Thailand are a recent phenomenon, a response to the growth of tourism from Japan, Europe, Australia, and the U.S. Bottom line: kathoey have always been an accepted and integral part of Thai culture.
Unfortunately, as Thailand emerges to compete in the global marketplace, kathoey, especially in urban areas, have been increas- ingly marginalized and relegated to non-visi- ble forms of employment. Our Thai sisters are also being adversely impacted by western hos- tility that flows directly from an unhealthy and badly flawed Christian theology on human gender and sexuality. This underscores my perceived call from the Holy Spirit to help change the attitudes of the leaders at the source of the problem — the Roman Catholic Church — where I am still officially an ordained member of the clergy (though I no longer function in that capacity).
1 had two encounters that provided me with the additional confidence to embrace my status as a proud member of the third sex. While exploring the Patpong District one afternoon, a middle-aged Thai woman approached and asked me whether I was a man or a woman. 1 responded by saying. “Yes! I am both. 1 am kathoey!” She smiled and gave me a big, encouraging hug! A few days later, after we had moved to the Marriott Hotel, we signed up for a private tour to visit the bridge over the River Kwai, made famous by the movie about the plight of World War II Allied prisoners of war forced by the Japanese to build a railroad through the jungle from Bangkok to Burma under appalling condi- tions. Thousands of POWs and other slave
laborers perished. The trip was also a way for us to see the pastoral Thai countryside. I outed myself as kathoey to Ratana, our female guide. She told me that her boss in the travel agency, with whom she had lived for a few years in the past, also identified as kathoey, but had not yet opted for GRS. We had an instant rapport.
One reason I was led to Thailand for GRS was to understand that I am kathoey — that I am third sex — and that is an okay thing to be.
I no longer need to mask myself as either male or female. We, who are kathoey, have our own unique place and role to fill as full members of the human race. We have an equal place at the divine table with all of God’s other children and — at least in this culture — we have a name. This was one of the critical spiritual messages that I learned in Thailand!
The Thai people and the Thai culture had other lessons to teach. Their manner of greeting one another and giving thanks though both word and gesture demonstrates great humility and respect for others. The practice within the predominant Buddhist religion, which encourages and expects all males (including members of the royal family) to serve at least some part of their lives as Buddhist monks, engenders a sense of humility and respect for the human spirit within each person — at least among Thai males. Thai culture also encourages us to keep a cool heart, suppress our human tendency towards anger and violence as a way to bend others to our will. When things go awry, as they often do, Thais react with words and ges- tures that connote an attitude of nevermind, rather than becoming upset or angry.
These practices remind me to try to see and acknowledge the Holy Spirit within every person I encounter and to humbly respect each person’s belief, even when they disagree with me. They remind me to control my urge to express hostility and anger when confront- ed by hostility or anger directed at me by oth- ers or when I am frustrated by some seeming- ly intractable problem or difficulty. I will need these reminders as I begin my mission to the change hearts and minds of those who do not understand or accept our existence — my exis- tence— as transgender/third sex/kathoey. JT
Shirley Boughton is President of the Emerald Coast Chapter of the Panhandle Transgender Alliance, Secretary/Treasurer of Heartsong Gulf Coast, and a certified instructor for The Aids Survival Kit. Ms. Boughton can be reached at Shirley_Boughton@cox.net.
TransgenderTAPESTRY ms
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TAPESTRY • FEATURE
Photographs above, top and bottom opposite page by Mariette Pathy Allen Photographer left and below, unknown
VICKY
WEST
TransgenderTAPESTRY 25
Vicky West : Full Circle
by Mariette Pathy Allen
It’s not every day we meet someone who changes the direction of our lives, and years later, are granted the opportunity to help give them a place in history.
This issue of the Tapestry repre- sents my intention of doing that for the art of Vicky West, aka Dirk Luykx. When Dirk died unexpectedly on July 19th, 2005, he left shopping bags full of art work: creations by Vicky West for “Drag” magazine, ads, posters, doodles, sketches of all sorts, on all kinds of paper. From the ‘60s through the ‘80s, Vicky created transvestite fan- tasy and erotica, with good humor and stylish intelligence.
Photography by Mariette Pathy Allen Artwork by Vicky West
MM
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‘m borrowing a few paragraphs from the introduction to my first book, Transformations: Crossdressers and Those Who Love Them , (E. P. Dutton, Inc., 1989), which was inspired by my very first encounter with Vicky West and the life-changing effect that meeting had on me:
In New Orleans, 1978, on the last day of Mardi Gras, I went to my hotel dining room for breakfast and was confront- ed by a roomful of figures in long sequined dresses, butterfly eyelashes, and cascading hairpieces. After breakfast, as if on cue, the group lined up around the hotel swimming pool, striking poses. I looked through my camera lens. Each of them was focused in a different direction, except for one person wearing a green lame dress who looked back at me, calmly and directly. It was as if I were seeing into someone’s soul, unburdened by masculinity or femininity, as if in covering her male anatomy with a beautiful dress, her full humanity was present. I entered the world of Vicky West.
Through Vicky, I became aware of the full spectrum of the transgendered world: crossdressers, transsexuals, and drag artists, among others. I witnessed the sensual, artistic, exhibitionistic elements of dressing: the pleasure Vicky experienced in creating her look, in expressing herself, in being admired, and in leaving behind, however temporarily, the responsibili- ties and burdens of Dirk’s world.
As we had remained friends through the years, and there was nobody else to claim her work, it fell to me to be temporary guardian. I’ve sorted through it, put it in archival sleeves and created a website within mine. ( http://www.MariettePathyAllen.com ). My goal is to find good exhibition places for Vicky’s work so that it can recognized as a vital part of our cultural heritage and preserved for it’s historical value. In the process of exhibiting it, I hope a publication will be created. Eventually, I will place the work in an archive.
// hen I was four or five, I loved to play with a pink slip. I don’t know what possessed me. It was hanging on a line and. it was gor- geous! I saw a full-page illustration in Life magazine of Rita Hayworth kneeling in bed, wearing a pink negligee with a bodice of black lace, and I made a drawing of it. Even though I was very young, I was turned on — I wanted to be her.
One time I played with a boy who tried to have sex with me in a peanut patch. I was the girl. It was scary and exciting. When I was thirteen or fourteen, I accumulated a cache of clothing, a nightgown here, a bra there. My mother discovered the cache and thought the clothes were souvenirs from sexual exploits, but all during puberty, when I went to bed at night, I’d pray that I would wake up and be a girl, even for a day.
I had just finished the army, when I discovered an ad for Virginia Prince’s organization for TVs. They had a social once a month where you could not come dressed, but you could bring a pair of heels and hose in a bag. The first time I dressed fully was when 1 met some of the people from this group. Shortly after that, I stopped working as an engineer and went to art school. I came across Drag magazine, and
1 started doing the covers and illustrated stories. I was hoping for another Vogue — images of transvestites enjoying themselves, trying on clothes. All the expression was positive.
Since sex has been taken out of the equation due to the AIDS epi- demic, much of the enjoyment of impersonating a woman has become kind of academic. I’m not a queen, but I hate the word ‘transvestite’ or ‘crossdresser;’ they’re too clinical. People probably think of me as a snob, but I like being a whore too, being very sexy, running around in a transparent blouse. I’ve been to some clubs where I have ended up on stage doing a slow striptease. I am quite pleased to be exhibitionistic in a transparent petticoat, but if I’m walking down Fifth Avenue, I do it in
high style, as I did recently at the Copacabana in an evening gown. I’m always trying to get a reaction. My desire is to be an exceptional, ebul- lient, well-liked, and, if possible, pretty woman.
I had a ten year relationship with a woman. The dressing was nice, as far as she was concerned, as long as it was just play. I’d take the garbage out in my nightgown and try to make it to the incinera- tor and back; there was adventure and she was part of it. But when I started going to balls and to Mardi Gras, she sat home envisioning all sorts of sex. And when I’d come home and want to be Vicky, she felt I was more glamorous than she was. It got to be stressful for her and we broke up. I don’t blame her.
The men I’ve lived with were gay lovers. Gay men, almost rou- tinely, don’t wish to think of drag, except recently, with the AIDS epi- demic, gays are doing drag as something else to do, another avenue of expression. Because of the epidemic, there’s a lack of sexy socializing, and drag has filled in more and more. The Halloween parade is bigger. Gays are wearing drag on Fire Island. Before, they looked down on it. lust as my girlfriend was, gays are put off by femininity, by the lack of the macho image. It’s not exclusively an aversion to heterosexuals, it’s an aversion to homosexuals too, but now, since they’re not having sex, it’s not as upsetting. Lingerie becomes a play item.
What kills me is that gay people have forgotten the accomplish- ments of the Stonewall riot, a turning point in gay history. Coming out, year after year, unaware that transvestites were the ones that start- ed the riot. I am not political, but I very much admire those who are, and I believe that transvestites should be proud and should be hon- ored for what they’ve accomplished. Because when you do drag, when you dress to express yourself as a woman, you’re totally without facade. You’re utterly vulnerable, you’re not protecting yourself. You’re carrying your feelings not only on your sleeve, but all over you.
— from Transformations: Crossdressers and Those Who Love Them,
by Mariette Pathy Allen
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A^Virk Luykx, the youngest of four boys, was born in Tenafly, NJ, on February 21, 1935. His family moved to New York City when Dirk was in grade school and he became a member of the St. Thomas Church Boys Choir, class of 1946, and graduated from the Fieldston School in 1952. He received a full scholarship to Cornell University where he studied Civil Engineering.
In 1955, Dirk took a leave of absence from Cornell to join the US Army. He served on special assign- ments in Japan and Korea for three years, then five years in the Army Reserves. Following military service, he returned to Cornell, completing his engineering degree in 1962.
Dirk moved to California where he worked in engineering design, city planning, and public works. During the same period, he was the art director for The Los Angeles Youth Theater, Inc, making
posters, billboards, scenery, and dis- play advertising. Realizing that he much preferred art to engineering, Dirk returned to New York City to study Fine Arts and Graphic Design at Cooper Union.
In 1967, while studying at Cooper Union, (he received his BFA in 1969), Dirk was hired by Harry N. Abrama, Inc., the art book publishers. At Abrams, Dirk Luykx was responsible for design- ing and selecting for publication many extraordinary books such as Morris Louis: The Complete Paintings , The Art of Walt Disney , Windows at Tiffany’s, The History of Modern Art, Impressionism, and many, many more. When he retired in 2000, Dirk Luykx was the Executive Art Director at Abrams.
Following retirement, Dirk trav- eled extensively until his untimely death on July 19th, 2005. His ashes were interred at Arlington National Cemetary.
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Photograph by Mariette Pathy Allen
TAPESTRY • FEATURE
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by Veronica Vera
Pt. 1: An Interview w/ Bebe Scarpe about Vicky West and Drag Magazine
The history of Drag Magazine, as founded by Mr. Lee Brewster, spans a dozen years from the early 1970’s into the 1980’s. Throughout that time, Vicky West was art director. Lee was the first editor and Kaye Gibbons also contributed con- tent. Then Bebe Scarpe became the editor. 1 had the pleasure of sitting down with Ms. Bebe, a respected educator and transwoman, as she filled me in on those wonderful days that have become such an important part of the transgender archives.
Veronica Vera: You worked closely with Vicky West on Drag, the magazine founded by Lee Brewster who also founded Lee’s Mardi Gras Boutique. Were the three of you together from the beginning?
Bebe Scarpe: No, 1 was younger and did not come on the scene until about 1971, my freshman year in college. But Vicky and Lee had gotten together some years earlier through The Mattachine Society.
(Author's Note: The Mattachine Society origi- nated in 1950 and was the earliest homophile organization in the U.S. Goals of the society were to engender pub- lic acceptance of homosexuality and provide a variety of services to the gay and les- bian community).
Lee always had a head for busi- ness and the Mattachine Society in New York had no budget, so Lee worked on fund raising projects for the group. Lee was also a telephone volunteer who responded to people’s inquiries. Since the 50’s, the Mattachine Society had been a ground-breaking
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group, but after the Stonewall Uprising in 1969, the Mattachines began to be thought of as conser- vative and not confrontational. Lee was an out and out drag queen and there were calls coming from transvestites who also needed some sort of connection, Lee real- ized there was a whole community that was not being served. Lee, Beebee Grippo, Chris Moore (who entertained at the famed Jewel Box Review) and Vicky West shared this Mattachine connection.
W: What about Dirk aka Vicky West, would you describe Dirk in the same way as you describe Lee, an out and out drag queen?
BB: Not at all. Dirk was much more closeted in his life as Vicky. Dirk was a square in many ways. He had come from a very cultured background but was very secretive about his personal history. Dirk had a very straight job for a very prestigious publishing company. He designed beautiful art books. Dirk was gorgeous, but Dirk’s good looks were a problem for Vicky. Dirk was a real showpiece and once people saw Dirk out of Vicky drag, they wanted to be the girl on his arm. But that wasn’t yf where he was at.
W: You mean Dirk saw Vicky as the beautiful girl on a gentleman’s arm, like those on the covers of Drag Magazine ?
BB: Yes, most of the cover illustra- tions were Vicky’s versions of herself in different situations. A lot of times a person will crossdress and attempt an idealized look, platinum hair, big
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breasts, long lashes . . . Unless you have the right physique for it, it simply does not work. Vicky finally developed a personal look in which she looked reasonably good and quite passable. But that took getting out of the fan- tasy image and getting into the real image.
But in her art, she could be perfect.
My favorite Vicky West story occurred in the early 80s and involved a Hollywood movie that starred the gorgeous performer, International Chrysis. It wasn’t the movie Q&A but another movie, maybe NY Nights.
In one scene Chrysis has to walk through a drag bar with the lead character. They needed a whole bunch of extras. I didn’t go because I needed to be careful about my job. But Vicky went and so did our friend Sherry. Vicky did her own make-up using the techniques used for night club shows and photos, making sure she didn’t wash out under the lights. Instead of brown eye shadow, she used black, instead of pink, she used red . . . Sherry let the movie’s make up person do her. When Vicky saw Sherry, she re-thought the situation and decided to have herself checked out by the make-up artist. So she presents herself to the woman doing the make-up and asks if she has enough eye make up on. The woman steps back, takes a good look and stammers, “Uh — there isn’t room for any more make-up.”
W: But let’s get back now to the 70’s. How did what was to follow, including the maga- zine come about?
BB: At the last Mattachine affair that Lee gave, he announced that he would be forming a group called the Queens Liberation Front to serve the drag and transvestite communities. He said that the next benefit would be a drag ball to benefit the QLF whose charter mem- bers were Lee, Vicky West and Kaye Gibbons. W: Did the QLF have regular meetings?
BB: They were really more house parties than meetings. Lee, without thinking, and without guile registered everything at his apartment, so his address became public. He initiated a newsletter and listed a P.O. box address for QLF, but people began to drop by his apart- ment. It was a small studio on 48th street and in that tiny NY apartment they laid out a newsletter and threw the NY parties.
W: Will you describe the scene?
BB: The apartment had a funny layout. There was a narrow hallway, you’d walk a few feet and turn into a tiny kitchen, walk a few more feet and there was the bathroom and then there was an open area about (about 200 sq feet) and that was it. And he’d pack 50 people
in there at $5/person or sometimes $20/per- son. The food came from Shop- Rite or Pathmark supermarkets in NJ. There was a hanger-on named Bob who made himself useful by serving drinks. So he became Bob the bartender, and it gave him reason to live. W: Was the crowd that gathered pretty mixed?
BB: Oh yeah. In one corner of the room you might find Chris Moore the beautiful star of the Jewel Box Drag Revue, while in a conver- sation nearby there ’d be a couple guys in skirts talking about their days flying C-47’s over Vietnam.
W: How did the newsletter develop into the magazine?
BB: As these gatherings and people’s connec- tions grew, there came questions: I hear you’re doing a party, do you know where I can get you-name-it: eye lashes, wigs, so Lee began to sell some items. The first were padded girdles and wigs. The newsletter found a new use as a sales tool for the garments and accessories and as pages were added it developed into Drag Magazine. Kaye Gibbons and Vicky West did the initial layouts. Vicky loved doing lay- out by hand, even when the publishing indus- try switched to computers Dirk still laid the books out by hand. So, Vicky and Kaye did the magazine’s mechanicals and it was just wonderful to watch.
W: When did you get involved?
BB: I met Lee when he spoke at another new organization, the Gay Activist’s Alliance, around 1971. 1 was totally naive to the scene
and Lee invited me to one of his parties. I was a college student at the time and Lee asked me if I could write. He said “we need something different for the magazine.” He asked me if I wanted to research the question; “Are butch lesbians female transvestites?”
W: That’s a pretty forward thinking question for the day.
BB: It was a new question and I didn’t know where to go. I interviewed one friend named “Mama Jean” that I knew from Gay Activists Alliance. Then I went to the 82 Club in the East Village where the waiters were women, dressed as men, in tuxedoes. I put a lot of effort into the article. Lee paid me $60 for it, which was a hell of a lot of money.
W: Which came first the magazine or the store. Lee’s Mardi Gras Boutique?
BB: First was the magazine, which began as the newsletter to keep the group together. When people started asking where to shop,
Lee started a mail order store and the cata- logue became part of the newsletter. For a time, the newsletter, the parties, the store, all took place in Lee’s apartment. When Lee’s apartment became too small, he rented another space, but it quickly became too small. Lee’s Mardi Gras actually had 3 loca- tions after Lee’s apartment, the final being the large loft at 400 West 14th Street.
W: How did you identify at the time, as a drag queen, transsexual, gay boy . . . ?
BB: I always knew what I was. I just didn’t know the physical ways to obtain it. I always had this female identity that you see. You’ve got to remember how square things were back then, and the lack of information. Electrolysis, hormones, who knew all that was possible, cosmetic surgery, breast augmentation . . . who knew such things existed! What I am is the end production of an evolution. I’m like Darwin compressed into so many years.
W: Your work with Lee was always part- time, correct?
BB: Lee encouraged me to stay in school, not drop out and take to the streets. He always believed I could have a straight career. He actually rehearsed me and prepared me for my first job as a female. He said, “Once you pres- ent yourself you’ve got to maintain it.” He also said, “You have to be better than anyone else in your job because given an excuse, they will get rid of you. Make yourself indispensable.”
I worked for Lee 29 1/2 years on Saturdays and all summer, from 1971 until Lee died in 2001.
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VV: I met Lee in the early 80s when Lee had the store on Tenth Avenue, near 42nd Street, which was the store’s location prior to the 14th Street store. I knew of Lee’s history as an activist, but not the details. I heard about the parties in New York, weren’t there trips to New Orleans, too?
BB: Yes, we would go down en masse for Mardi Gras which was always a Tuesday, but we’d arrive on the Thursday before and go out dressed all week. That was a pretty bold thing to do in those days because until 1970 drag was illegal except for Mardi Gras day, Fat Tuesday. But we didn’t let that stop us. We’d walk into a restaurant on a Thursday night, Lee, all glamorous and well put together, at the head of the group. The other diners would gasp with their forks in mid air at the sight of people in drag prior to official Mardi Gras. W: Did Vicky go along?
BB: Yes, I remember Vicky’s first trip to New Orleans. She was really the classic transvestite. She awoke and began her ritual, shaved her legs in a leisurely bath, stretched out each lux- urious minute.
Many people don’t realize Mardi Gras has always been primarily a daytime thing.
You go out the night before, then you get up in the morning, put on your costume and hit the streets. By 6 in the evening you sit back, sip champagne and watch a Mardi Gras ball on TV. At night they’d pull the plug, the police would ride in on horseback to be fol- lowed by the street cleaners who would sweep up town so that Lent, the religious season could begin on Ash Wednesday. But Vicky thought she had all the time in the world. Meanwhile everyone was downstairs waiting for her. Finally, our friend Bubbles went upstairs and finds Vicky still soaking in the tub. “We’re leaving in 20 minutes,” says Bubbles. After 2 hours shaving her legs and only 20 minutes doing her make-up you can imagine what Vicky looked like.
W: Did Vicky work at the store? I don’t think I ever met her.
BB: You would have met Dirk, an extremely handsome, by then older man, older than the rest of us and very secretive about his age.
Dirk never appeared at the store in Vicky drag. W: Some of Vicky s art was very sexual: orgies with leather men, women forcing men into feminization. Was that all fantasy?
BB: Vicky kept her sex life very quiet from us. So I don’t know what she may have done in her private life. 1 believe Vicky was into the domination theme. Fie was into men, and women, a
little bit, if they recognized his femininity.
W: Were the parties sexual? Were you all having sex together?
BB: Well, my friend Terry and I went to all kinds of parties, but Lee’s parties were differ- ent. They were really about having a place where we could talk and socialize in make-up and heels just like you and I are doing now. One of the strengths of the magazine was the photos that were chosen depicted the parties as fun, social places they were, not overtly sexy, or scary.
Many of the transvestites who came to the parties were attracted to women and het- erosexual. Crossdressing was part of their sex- uality. Some changed their voices. I remember one trip when we were all staying in a hotel.
A call from home came to one girl, she said “hold on a minute” ran into the bathroom and washed off her make-up. He couldn’t get
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his male side together enough to answer the phone as a man. I think Vicky was more like that, two split personalities. He was really a very good artist. But, I think, very conflicted.
W: Were any of the three of you ever roman- tically involved with one another?
BB: Never. As 1 said, Dirk was very discreet about his private life, in or out of drag. Lee was my best friend and cared for me like I was made of fine crystal. Years later, in 2001, when Lee got sick and was dying, she was worried that I would find that she was not a perfect success in the business. She said, “I’m sorry that you have to handle my affairs now.” Lee was the easiest touch on two feet. I know she died with people owing her thousands. Because Lee was the mother of us all.
W: How long did Drag Magazine exist?
BB: The magazine as we created it existed into the 80’s. After a while, Lee got bored writing copy, so I took over more and more of the editorial. Lee made me editor. Vicky got more and more creative with the art in both the magazine and the catalogue. Vicky laid out all of the catalogues. T he merchandise was photographed but then Vicky added her touches. I don’t know how it happened but one time a piece of material from one of the outfits got caught in the copier and it inspired Vicky to start copying the lace on the outfits to make page borders. Vicky and I liked to change the colors of the clothes. If we were sent a green dress, we’d call it “Sea Breeze” in the catalogue, and hand write tickets for the dresses using our made up names. This used to drive Lee crazy when he would try to re- order “Sea Breeze” and couldn’t find a record of it. He said, “Kindly call the merchandise the color the company calls it.”
W: When did Vicky’s covers go from being idealized versions of herself to portraits of other girls?
BB: I think that started with Chris Moore, a brilliant entertainer and star of the Jewel Box Revue whose home was the Loews Theater in Times Square. Chris was a contralto with a voice reminiscent of Ethel Merman, big and brassy, loud and bold. Could she hold a note! She was also a brilliant Marlene Dietrich, live not pantomime and with a full orchestra. The Jewel Box was one of the few white acts that could play Harlem’s Apollo theater and they were the only act to play the Apollo for a full month.
Chris, too had been a member of Mattachine. After some years, Chris was diag- nosed with terminal cancer. She defied death for five years, they kept say four more months, then six more months and on and on. Finally Chris was feeling much better and Lee threw a ball just so that Chris could per- form and be the star of the ball and be pho- tographed. Vicky did the portrait of Chris Moore for the cover and I’ve always thought it was hauntingly beautiful. Vicky captured the glamour that Chris had and also the sadness because her life was coming to an end. Actually, the whole lifestyle of the live per- formances was coming to an end at that point and lypsynching to recordings would take over. But Chris made such a splash.
After that Vicky did Lee’s portrait then, w e all got jealous and wanted our portraits done.
W: Tell me about your portrait.
BB: I had one done with platinum hair. It
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was issue 13. We had gone to cover an event at the notorious Gilded Grape Bar and 1 had decided to wear a platinum wig. It was the only time that platinum worked for me. I was going to spend the night at Lee’s and before we got thoroughly decomposed we took some pictures of me. They were nudes and it was the first centerfold. Nothing showing. (The biggest selling issue ever). I was thinking “Marilyn Monroe’s last sitting with Bert Stern" but on Lee’s dirty couch.
W: So the magazine is a great contribution to the transgender archives. Please tell me more.
BB: Halloween was always a special issue. We did one issue as a tribute to Doc and Danny Brown who were the owners of the Jewel Box Revue. We called the issue “One Last Bow” and made a cover from all their programs.
W: There are quite a few drawings of Virginia Prince. She’s carrying a hand bag with the initials V.P.
BB: . . . And she has an inch of her slip show- ing. Virginia and Lee were friendly enemies, because Virginia could be so pompous, a know-it-all and a doctor. She’d always describe herself as a “I’m Dr. Virginia Prince, heterosexual transvestite.” And people would say when you see Virginia no matter what she wears, you’ll see a little piece of her slip show- ing. Whenever one of us had her slip showing or, make-up smeared or some detail off, we’d joke, “Oh look at me, I’m Virginia Prince.”
The teasing was meant as a friendly barb. Lee had great respect for Virginia. We all recog- nized Dr. Virginia Prince was another pioneer. W: Did Drag have a large circulation?
BB: I don’t remember the numbers, but it grew into a good size. Initially to distribute the magazine, we just walked around Times Square and when we saw an adult book store, we’d bring them copies. We did the same thing in cities like San Francisco and other places we visited. We’d buy the alternative weekly newspapers and look for ads for shops that we thought might carry the magazine. Then we go pay them a visit. Eventually we got a distributor. I think we were distributed by Star at one point.
Eventually, we sold the name. Lee had made her vehicle and she was concentrating on the clothing business. Drag stopped being an art magazine. It had new covers and nude centerfolds.
W: You refer to the original as an art magazine?
BB: Yes, I think the original was an art maga- zine. When Lee photographed the parties,
they were not photographed sexually, but socially. And of course, anyone who did not want to be photographed wasn’t. We weren’t exploiting anyone or creating “Tranny Confidential.”
The readers really liked the warm atmos- phere. The magazine was very time consum- ing. It was a quarterly and we usually had only about a week’s down time before we had to start putting a new issue together.
Sometimes we would call different towns to follow up on a story. We had some help but basically it was just the three of us putting the magazine together. Vicky’s lay-out con- tributed a lot to conveying warm atmosphere, even on the glossy paper. It was a warm mag- azine. I thought the stories were interesting.
We lived in NY where things were more open and upfront, but others did not. People in
the Midwest would live to get this magazine. It was their only contact with the outside world.
BB smiles.
VV: What are you smiling about Bebe?
BB: It was really Vicky’s covers that reached out to people. They’d open to a page and see an advertisement for a catalogue or they’d see “join us on a Mardi Gras tour, or join us for Lee’s monthly parties call for details.” Then they could read an article about a social issue, such as the anti-drag movement within the gay movement. It’s really funny how the whole thing grew and a lot of it has to do with Vicky’s artwork and it’s ability to draw people in by catering to their fantasies. JT
This interview is part one of a series. The next episode will involve more of the life of Lee Brewster who not only founded Drag Magazine and Lee's Mardi Gras Boutique, but whose efforts made drag bars possible in New York City.
Veronica Vera is the founder of Miss Vera's Finishing School for Boys Who Wont to Be Girls, NYC and author of the book of the same name. Her second book is Miss Vera's Crossdress for Success. Miss Vera will be a keynote speaker at the IFGE Annual Conference to be held in Philadelphia, April 2007. E-mail: missvera@missvera.com.
Website: www.missvera.com.
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S/he’s Not Heavy,
Zie’s My Non-Gendered Sibling:
Why Gender-Neutral Pronouns Don’t Work for Me
by Pauline Park
‘Zie’ and ‘hir’ have come into vogue in certain corners of the transgender community. The equivalent of ‘s/he’ and ‘him/her,’ these gen- der-neutral pronouns are meant to free trans- gendered and gender-variant people from the tyranny of the sex/gender binary. The expec- tation, 1 suppose, is that once American socie- ty has overthrown the oppression of ‘he’ vs. ‘she,’ the Utopia of gender liberation will be achieved. I don’t mean to burst anyone’s gen- derqueer bubble, but it seems to me that the argument for the use of gender-neutral pro- nouns is a profoundly ahistorical one that is not informed by a close examination of how languages actually work.
I would point out that Chinese has a gender-neutral pronoun and has had one for thousands of years, and yet China has tradi- tionally been among the most patriarchal societies on earth. A great civilization — arguably the greatest continuous civilization in human history, China nonetheless has been and unfortunately remains a profoundly misogynist Confucian culture even after half a century of ostensibly gender-egalitarian Communist rule.
It was under the Southern Song dynasty (1127-1279 CE) that foot-binding came into vogue in south China. In fact, ‘foot-binding’ is a misnomer (rather like ‘female circumcision’ is a misnomer for what really is a form of female castration): the practice really amount- ed to foot-breaking, the bones of the feet bro- ken and the front half of the foot forced back- wards under the back half, causing excruciat- ing pain in order to create the illusion of a tiny foot. So powerfully attractive to Chinese men (who often fetishized the ‘bound’ foot) was this practice that the mere unrapping of the binding cloth enveloping a woman’s foot would produce an immediate erotic response from her male partner. ‘Foot-binding’ was also a very class-oppressive practice, as it was limited to women of the upper classes. Needless to say, permanently crippling a peas- ant woman would cripple the family farm, and so the peasant women who constituted the vast majority of women throughout
Chinese history into the late twentieth centu- ry were spared this practice, but were nonetheless subject to ridicule by high-born men and women alike, as such ‘big’ (i.e., unbroken) feet were considered ugly and ‘deformed’ in their natural state.
But foot-binding is only one practice symptomatic of the larger issue of gender-bias in traditional Chinese society, in which a female child more generally was considered the property of her father until she married, when she became the property of her hus- band (and in practice, by her often autocratic mother-in-law). Since the People’s Republic of China adopted its one-child policy, female infanticide has become widespread, and elec- tive abortion is now used as a tool of sex- selection when the family has the resources to get a sonogram or amneocentesis to deter- mine the sex of the fetus; a family without resources will simply take the newborn female child and throw her over a cliff or dump her in the river.
For thousands of years, the Chinese lan- guage has used only one pronoun (‘ta’) for ‘him’ and ‘her’ as well as ‘he’ and ‘she.’ In con- trast, Korean is a very gendered language, but traditional Korean society was matrilineal (if not matriarchal), with property passing down through the mother’s line. It was only in 1392 when the first king of the Yi dynasty imposed a neo-Confucian revolution from above, replacing the woman-centered Altaic culture of pre-Sinitic Korean society with a patriar- chal Chinese structure in which a woman became the property of her husband. An imported patriarchal culture whose language had a single gender-neutral pronoun dis- placed an indigenous matrilineal culture with a highly gendered language.
One would be tempted to say that the pro- ponents of ‘zie’ and ‘hir’ are woefully naive Eurocentrics whose perspective is very white and Western, but in fact, the ‘theory’ (if one could call it that) underlying the use of gender- neutral pronouns doesn’t make sense even in the context of Western European cultures. All Indo-European languages are gendered to some extent, but English is actually one of the least gendered of them. In contrast with the
Romance languages, which require a gendered article to proceed (or, in the case of Romanian, follow) all objects and entities, English uses gen- der-neutral definite (‘the’) and indefinite (‘a’) articles. In French, a butterfly is masculine (‘un papillon’),but in Spanish (‘una mariposa’) and in Italian (‘una farfalla’), it is feminine - this, despite the fact that butterflies obviously come in two sexes. While a door is feminine in French (‘une porte’), an armchair is masculine (‘un fauteuil’), and the gendering of these inanimate objects seems odd to us anglophones. Ironically enough, when everything in a language is gen- dered, it has the odd effect of subtly diminish- ing the impact of the gendered pronoun.
This is not to suggest that there aren’t controversies in European societies around the gender of articles and pronouns. I was living in Paris in April 1991 when Edith Cresson became the first woman to be named prime minister in the history of the French republic (there are those, of course, who maintain that the Marquise de Pompadour played that role under Louis XV, but her role in policymaking was unofficial and that was an entirely differ- ent set of circumstances), and a debate ensued whether the title — which had always been ‘monsieur le premier ministre’ — would have to be re-gendered as ‘madame la premiere ministre.’ It would seem odd if not downright bizarre for Edith Cresson to be addressed as ‘monsieur’ (which literally means ‘my lord’).
So in the end, the French settled on an awk- ward compromise in which Cresson would be addressed as ‘madame le premier ministre.’ Hence, the title of prime minister (and the definite article preceding it) was held to be gender-invariant, while the form of address (‘monsieur’ or ‘madame’) would vary with the gender of the office-holder.
One might think that simply adding a neutral gender to a language would help resolve such social issues, as well as providing a category for inanimate objects that — at least to our anglophonic minds — do not seem par- ticularly gendered (such as chairs and doors, pens and pencils, mountains and lakes, etc.,
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etc.). But in fact, the cultures whose languages possess a neutral gender are not necessarily less gendered than those which do not. German and Romanian both have a neutral gender, but neither German nor Romanian society is notably gender-neutral. Oddly enough, while ‘man’ and ‘boy’ are both mas- culine (der Mann, der lunge) and woman is feminine (die Frau), ‘girl’ is neuter (das Maedchen); that hardly means that female children were treated in a gender-neutral fashion in traditional German society, which was nothing if not patriarchal.
Probably the best argument for gender- neutral pronouns is that there are some peo- ple who do not feel that they fit either gender and who may want to challenge the sex/gen- der binary that forces a choice of pronoun on them; that may be a particularly compelling case for those born intersexed (i.e., neither fully male nor female). But my response would be to suggest that gendered pronouns are so profoundly embedded in the English language (as well as other Indo-European lan- guages) that ‘zie’ and ‘hir’ will never come into general use. One might object by point- ing to the way in which ‘Ms.’ came into com- mon usage in the 1970s, all but replacing ‘Miss’ and ‘Mrs.’ — forms of address which now seem old-fashioned and even quaint to contemporary Americans in the early twenty- first century. In fact, something similar has happened in France and in Germany, where the terms ‘mademoiselle’ and ‘Fraulein’ were commonly used for unmarried women, no matter how old; nowadays, ‘madame’ and ‘Frau’ are used for adult women regardless of marital status.
But personal pronouns operate at a level much deeper than forms of address (such as ‘Mr’ and ‘Ms.’ or ‘monsieur’ and ‘madame’). And no matter how significantly US society is changing with regard to gender, I do not think that gendered pronouns such as ‘zie’ and ‘hir’ that have no relation to the culture will ever gain wide currency. It is certainly true that languages are always changing and evolving; but for a linguistic innovation to work, it must have some integral connection to the language and culture into which it is introduced; ‘zie’ and ‘hir’ have no such con- nection; on the contrary, they are too obvi- ously artificial. Ironically enough for what is ostensibly a gender-neutral pronoun, ‘zie’ is pronounced just like ‘sie’ in German, which is the feminine pronoun ‘she’ (but also the for- mal pronoun for ‘you’). Because ‘hir’ is a homophone of ‘here,’ its use inevitably pro-
vokes confusion to the anglophone listener. But to my mind, the biggest fault with ‘zie’ and ‘hir’ is that they unwittingly concretise the very sex/gender binary that they are intended to challenge. If, for example, only genderqueers were to use such gender-neutral pronouns for self-identification, they would unwittingly leave gendered pronouns to the heteronormative in society, in effect reifying the sex/gender binary by implicitly suggesting that ‘he’ and ‘she’ are the proper preserve of those with fixed a gender identity based on sex assigned at birth.
Ironically enough, then, the general use of gender-neutral pronouns could actually have an unintentially gender-conservative influence in public discourse. But in the real world, ‘zie’ and ‘hir’ will never gain wide cur- rency even within the transgender communi- ty, because so many transgendered people want to claim gendered pronouns. At best,
‘zie’ and ‘hir’ will be used in written texts by a small number of genderqueer writers, in effect, ineffective markers of a futile resistance to the prevailing gender order.
That’s the bad news for proponents of ‘zie’ and ‘hir’: these neologisms will never take off. But as we have seen in my sketchy little review of the use of gendered pronouns, a society that uses gender-neutral pronouns is not necessarily a gender- neutral society. The good news is that the use of gendered pro- nouns does not doom one to perpetual rearticulation of the sex/gender binary. Some -- including some crossdressers and drag queens, but also some genderqueers — use gendered pronouns flexibly, switching back and forth between ‘he’ and ‘she’ just as they alternate between gender presentations. The flexible use of gendered pronouns is not at all new to the queer community; gay men have long used feminine pronouns to refer to themselves and others, sometimes in the spirit of camp, other times to challenge the preten- sions to heteronormativity of their gay brethren/sistren, as in, "Mary, who does she think she is?"
And such flexible use of pronouns, in my view, contributes to destabilizing the sex/gen- der binary precisely because it challenges the insistence on consistent gender presentation (and reference) and because it destabilizes the connection between anatomical sex and gen- dered pronoun. To my mind, strategic or even tactical pronoun gendering of self (where respectful and consonant with the self-identi- fication of the individual) and others (where, as above, it challenges pretensions to hetero-
normativity) is a far more powerful technique for resisting the concretizing of sex and gen- der through the sex/gender binary than the hopelessly artificial use of pronouns that are not integral to the English language.
Each of us must decide on how we wish to gender our pronouns in self-reference and how we wish others to refer to us. But to those who like me are committed to real social change, I think the best — because most realistic — strategy is to disrupt the hetero- normative narrative of the dominant culture by supporting those who claim a set of gen- dered pronouns even where those pronouns do not ‘match’ the anatomical sex and gender assigned to them at birth.
To the average American whose ideas about transgender are still largely influenced by the medical model of transsexuality, wom- anhood and feminine pronouns can only be claimed when one ‘fully’ transitions through SRS. I know at least a few male-to-female transsexuals who feel they cannot legitimately claim feminine pronouns — or demand that gender-appropriate pronouns be used by oth- ers to refer to them — until they have had sex reassignment surgery (SRS). But I see no con- tradiction between male sex and feminine gender identity. Conversely, manhood and masculine pronouns to them are thought by most to be the sole preserve of people with penises, not to put too fine a point on it . For a male to claim ‘she’ and ‘her’ as pronouns of self-reference and to insist that others refer to her with feminine pronouns is (still) a radical act in most places and in most communities in the United States in 2007. 1 identify as a transgendered woman, and as I have said on many occasions, to the discomfiture of some transgendered as well as some non-transgen- dered people, I identify as a male-bodied woman. And so I claim my feminine pro- nouns with pride. I hope that those who call me family will say of me, "She’s not heavy, she’s my sister." I have no desire to have any- one say of me, "Zie isn’t heavy, zie is my non- gendered sibling."
If the goal is to challenge and ultimately dismantle the sex/gender binary, ‘zie’ and ‘hir’ won’t get us there; they don’t work for me and they won’t work for most people, even pro- gressive people who are committed to social change. So I say, let’s ditch these artificial and ineffective constructs and instead strategically deploy gendered pronouns to destabilize and dismantle the prevailing gender order. ¥
http://www.bigqueer.com/
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This article is based on a presentation made at the IFGE Conference, Austin Texas, 26-30 April, 2005.
Letters on Crossdressing, 1867-1920, Part Two
by Peter Farrer
NOTE: Due to space constraints, we had to split Peter Farrer’s article into two segments. The first segment appeared in Transgender Tapestry #110 (Fall 2006). — Ed.
Under Petticoat Rule
In the Victorian age not all husbands retained their trousers in the privacy of the home, especially if you were a kept man. “Satin Stays” writes in 1894:
I cannot tell you how interested I was in the letter signed “Ruled by the Lace” in your issue of August 1 1 th. I think your correspondent will find he is by no means the only one of his sex who is compelled to don “frills, flounces, and fal-lals, and French shoes with heels of preposterous height” not to mention the concomitant of eighteen-inch stays. May I give my experiences of the same, which, incredible though they may read, are absolutely true ?
I was married — now seven years ago — when I was only twenty-two, to a lady considerably my senior, but whose exquisitely slender waist and pretty stilted shoes engaged my fancy. I may add that she was extremely rich, and before settling on me the sum I now enjoy annually, she obliged me to sign a document making its payment dependent on my satisfying her in every respect in my manner of dress. This I willingly did, never dreaming what it would lead to.
Almost immediately after our marriage my wife explained that, having been obliged to undergo a most complete course of tight-lacing herself, she was determined that her husband should do the same. Despite my attempts at ridicule, she insisted on my constantly wearing a pair of long-waisted satin corsets which she provided, and which she plainly took the keenest pleasure in lacing to the utmost tightness. After a few weeks I was obliged to don high-heeled shoes in the evening, and to make the story short, before long she compelled me to dress from head to foot in female dress every night, when we were in no expec- tation of receiving visits. And this is not all: not satisfied with obliging me to wear skirts and laces and frills in the evenings, she insists on my continuing my corsets, and che- mise also, under my ordinary day garments; so that now for some years I have gone about laced as tightly as any professional beauty, while I have to spend my evenings in
|
Abbreviations Key |
|
|
BP |
Borrowed Plumes |
|
CC on CD |
Confidential Correspondence on Cross Dressing |
|
MIP |
Men in Petticoats |
|
RSL |
The Regime of the Stay-Lace |
an avalanche of lace skirts, the most extrava- gantly high-heeled and pointed shoes, and corsets so tiny that even to sit down is almost an impos- sibility.
And no remonstrance of mine regarding the effemi- nacy or unmanliness of my array is of any avail, as my imperious wife seems to delight in noth- ing more than the idea that she has forced one of the “ugly” sex to conform to the dainty restraint of corsets, heels, and petticoats, which every pretty woman soon learns causes the helpless- ness that proves in the end to be her strength.
For similar reasons to those of “Ruled by the Lace” I ven- ture to hope for publication of this letter, although I have not enclosed a card (Society, Aug. 18, 1894, M1P pp.33-4).
Masquerade
Some men adopted complete female attire and worked in the outside world. “Tablier Blanc” wrote in 1900:
I was very much interested by C.B. Hugh’s letter in your issue of March 3rd. Many people would regard such a thing as impossible, but, from my own personal experience, I can quite credit your correspondent’s story.
I have lived as a woman for the last two years, and am doing so still, so it may interest your readers if I give you a glimpse of my experience.
Like “Jane,” at the age of twenty-two I found myself unable to get a living. Every application for a situation was unsuccessful, and every door seemed closed. My sister, who is two years my senior, was then employed from nine a.m. until seven p.m as a barmaid in the City, and., out of her slender earnings, assisted me as much as she could, like the veritable trump she is.
1 have always had a great penchant for dressing in girl’s clothes — many of your correspondents appear to have the same — and one evening my sister suggested to me that I should apply — as a girl — for a vacant situation for a bar- maid at the restaurant where she was employed. This I secured, and, thanks to a slim figure, small hands and feet, and dark curly hair, I do not think my sex has ever been
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even suspected. I wear 22-inch corsets, with a little judi- cious pudding, and I am now able to discard the small amount of false hair which was necessary at first.
After doing bar-work for three months, I found that the waitresses employed at the same restaurant worked fewer hours, and made far more money than the barmaids. I therefore applied for and secured the next vacant berth — a berth which I still hold. The other barmaids thought I had lowered myself considerably by donning the white apron of a waitress, but perhaps because I am a man, I prefer to earn 40s to 60s per week to about half that sum, as I did before. I have no doubt that I often wait on some of my fel- low readers of “Society” and I know that they never sus- pect that their attendant is a very virile personage.
My sister is now happily married, and she and my broth- er-in-law are my only confidants. I keep male clothing at their house, but seldom or never wear it. I am writing you on Sunday morning, dressed in a plain, tai- lor-made gown, which is protected by the big overall, or pinafore, which I usually wear in my rooms.
Your recent correspondents,
“Stepdaughter” and “Quandam Victima Virgae” deplored the present disuse of aprons amongst girls and young women of the better classes, and are quite right in saying that the average man likes to see a girl wearing one. The rules of the establishment where I am employed of course compel me to wear large white aprons, but I am most particular about them, and always put on afresh one just before the daily luncheon hour. My regu- lar customers often remark to me how smart my aprons look, and, seeing that I get them specially made for nte, and have them long and wide enough to cover almost the whole of my skirt (to say nothing of the big, lace- trimmed bib, and the wide strings tied in a big bow at the back of my waist), I think their compliments are not undeserved.
I must, of course, give you a nom-de-plume as signature for this letter, and hope you will see ft to publish it. I give you my real name herewith for your private information (Society, March 31, 1900, MIP pp.41-2).
I will finish with a letter which James Joyce read and used in the composition of Ulysses. In the autumn of 1920, Joyce, working on the final stages of Ulysses, asked his friend Frank Budgen to send him “....some comic papers of as bold a type as might be found on our puritan shores.” Budgen sent him some copies of Bits of Fun, which Joyce acknowledged on September 29, 1920, as being “though very one sided, most useful.” It was just in time, because soon after the editor was prosecuted and fined £30 and costs for “sending through the post packets containing inde- cent articles — namely copies of a publication called BITS
OF FUN. I quote from The Times of October 20:
Mr. Muskett, prosecuting, said that BITS OF FUN was a nau- seating and scurrilous rag, which existed merely to pander to the perverted tastes of a certain class of society. For the sake of decency he would not read any of the letterpress in Court.
The letters ceased after October 30 and the paper changed its name to Fun, but without the letters it died, the last issue being on December 25, 1920 (CC on CD 19 lb- 1920 pp. 15-6 and 271-2).
Joyce incorporated a few phrases from the letter signed “Cap and Apron,” printed on August 7, 1920, into the dialogue between Bello and Bloom in the Circe episode. As I read it, I will stress those passages which contain the words of “Cap and Apron.”
I was much interested to read a let- ter by “Norpa” whose “nom de plume” is excellent,
I may say that, like him, I think a smart parlourmaid's uniform is awfully fascinating, and the pleasure of wearing a very large, long white apron is delightful. But it must beftdl length and must quite meet at the back, and must be very stiff y starched so as to give out that thrilling, rustling, rumpling sound with every dainty step of the wearer. I am sure any lady dressed in this most attrac- tive style would not fail to subjugate the most refractory male into the most submissive and abject slavery, as the very approach of her requisite and beautifully rustling uniform would overawe him completely and set him trembling with anticipation of pun- ishment and pain soon to be inflicted.
[BELLO: Cheek me, I dare you. If you do tremble in anticipation of heel discipline to be inflicted in gym cos- tume ( Ulysses, Bodley Fiead edition 1937, p.504)]
I shall never forget my experiences, when a boy of eight- een, at the hands of a handsome and athletic parlourmaid of my mother’s. I had just left school, and on coming home, found that the young lady in question, who had recently taken a position in our house, had very strong ideas on dis- cipline for boys, and had, in fact, promised my mother to tame me and train me to be useful about the house, now that I was coming home for good.
Accordingly, on the day of my arrival, when I had dis- obeyed an order she had given me, she informed me that she would punish me after dinner. In due time she appeared in the dining-room in the most fascinating uni- form of a stiff, black, rustling satin gown, smart, white, starched high collar, and long cuffs, stiff white cap, with a
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black ribbon laced round it and with long, wide streamers reaching to her heels, and lovely, full, long stiffly-starched white apron, almost completely enveloping her skirt, and with very long, wide apron-strings tied in a big. graceful, drooping bow, the ends of which reached to her shapely ankles.
As she advanced upon me the rustling of her beautiful garments filled me with terror. However, 1 resolved to put up a desperate resistance. It was no use, and my frantic struggles were speedily crushed by her far superior strength. She soon had me, helpless and terrified, lying across her aproned knees, unable to stir an inch
She then gave me a merciless spanking with my own slipper, stifling my moans of agony by pressing my face down tight into her apron. By the time she had fin- ished I was absolutely exhausted and redhot, and promised with bitter tears never to disobey her lightest word in future.
[BLOOM: I promise never to disobey, (op.cit., p.504) ]
My punishment was not half over yet.
She then tied an apron so tightly over my head and face that I could hardly breathe. My body being thus stretched and contracted to the utmost, she laced me into corsets with cruel force.
[BELLO: You will be laced with cruel force into vicelike corsets of soft dove coutille. (op.cit., p.508)]
These reached from arm-pits nearly to my knees and held me in an agonising grip, confining my thighs so closely that I could not move my legs at all above the knees. She then forced my legs and feet into tight black silk stockings and tight, pointed patent leather shoes, with heels 5in. high. The shoes were two sizes too small, so she doubled my toes under to get my feet forced in.
She then untied my hands in order to put me into a very tight, stiff, white petticoat and a stiff black satin gown, the skirt of which reached to my ankles, and was so tight that
it restrained my legs so much that I could not stride more than 6in. She forced my hands and arms into long, stiff, white kid gloves, reaching nearly to my shoulders, and holding my elbows and fingers quite rigid.
Finally she put me into parlourmaid’s full uniform, with collar and cuffs, enveloping me in a very stiff white apron, reaching to the bottom of my skirt and covering my breast and shoulders completely, with very wide shoulder straps crossed behind my back.
She then took me down to the dining room to show me off, as, she said, I made a lovely girl. My face was freed from the apron over it. For an hour she marched me up and down the room in agony, held fast under her arm, while my tight, restraining skirt and apron held my feet and legs in so closely that I could only totter along on my high heels with little, dainty, mincing strides, which, how- ever, gave out a lovely rustling, (so she said) from my fet- tering black and white draperies.
She tied me up again from the hook for the night, confin- ing my head and face in an apron.
You can imagine the state I was in by the morning, absolutely crushed and subjugated. She kept me in this humiliating bondage for three years, using me as her own personal maid. I was finally released on the outbreak of the war, and enlisted and served with some distinction. Now I am about to be demobbed and return home. I am wondering if I shall again suffer the same fate of apron rule.
(Bits of Fun August 7, 1920, CC on CD 1916-1920, pp.238-40)
It is a fine tribute to the writing style of “Cap and Apron” that James Joyce should adopt some of his phrases.
Books by Peter Farrer, published by Karri Publications Garston 63 Salisbury Road, Garston, Liverpool L 1 9 OPH, England Tel. +44 (0)151 427 6640, E-mail: P8Forfer@ool.com Website: http: //members, tripod. com/~PBFarrer/KARN/KARN.html
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Faggot
Leathermen and Bathouse Sluts, Metrosexual as the New Femme, and Bear's "Butch is a Noun" Playlist
Scott Turner Schofield Talks with S. Bear Bergman
This interview is available online at: http://www.suspectthoughtspress.com/bergman2.htm © 2006 Scott Turner Schofield / S. Bear Bergman Reprinted with permission of the author.
SCOTT TURNER SCHOFIELD: So. How would you say that your penchant for francophone country line dancing impacts your understanding of butch?
S. BEAR BERGMAN: [laughing] You see, this is the real problem with asking someone who knows you well to interview you. Ze knows all manner of things about you, and has just been waiting to get some mileage out of them.
STS: I wouldn’t ask if 1 didn’t feel it imperative to a reader’s estimation and understanding of you. I can be more specific about that if you’d like, for our readers.
SBB: It is not quite a penchant. I was in Montreal, and my buddy Kieran — who does have a penchant, not that there’s any- thing wrong with that — invited me to go with him to Bolo, which is Montreal’s gay francophone country western line danc- ing club. It was . . . interesting. Lots and lots of gender, even in the gay space. I wished for my cowboy hat.
But dancing, in general, is one of the places where I first started to learn about butch. There’s a whole set of rules and understandings, and you take your place depending on what part you want to be doing, and what part the rest of the people assembled are willing to have you do, and what your partner or partners want of you. And your job is to move through this space very precisely, and yet still make it look easy, and yet still (if you’re leading, which I do) keep your partner safe from impacts. There are a lot of parallels. There’s actually an essay in Butch is a Noun entitled “Dancing,” about that very thing. It’s a little bit romantic. I love to dance with a partner.
STS: See? You played right into my hands.
SBB: [dryly] You’re a master of the interview. I am helpless in your thrall.
STS: Mwahahaha. You wrote much of this book at the Millay Colony, and you told me then that you were the only radical
queer in the attending class. Isolation can be great for getting a book written, but did the kind of cultural isolation you experi- enced there affect the way you wrote the book (e.g., the audi- ence you had in mind while writing) — positively or negatively or neither?
SBB: Hah. I was the only queer anything. The rest of the group was strictly hetero, and most of them were married besides. Not only that, but there was very little queer consciousness — which I found surprising among a group of artists. Don’t get me wrong — they were cool people. But not queer. I actually wrote about half of the book at Millay, and yes, absolutely — the isola- tion had a big effect. Some of the darkest, most difficult, most tender parts of the book got written there, as I was trying to wrestle with big questions and reach out to my family and my community and.. .and find a way to feel connected. I was incred- ibly lonely there, absolutely starved for touch, and no amount of tipsy Scrabble with the other writers was enough to ease that.
On the other hand, some of the conversations I ended up hav- ing about gender and sex and sexuality there, with well-inten- tioned and engaged people, helped me to clarify some things I wanted to include in the book but wasn’t sure about. Wasn’t sure if they’d be interesting; if I could make them interesting.
I am always amazed by your ability to write in the middle of everything in the world going on. I inevitably end up needing to go hide in a corner someplace and drink a lot of coffee and listen to the same song on repeat for a week on end to finish big pieces of work.
STS: Well it’s a lot like dancing, you know? I’ve heard (I think from you, actually), that I’m a lot better on my own in the mid- dle of everything than with a partner or a line.
Continuing on that theme, Butch Is a Noun feels a lot like dancing with you: being gently but firmly guided through a whole bunch of personal, political, and social identity stuff, feeling a little uncomfortable, but ultimately having fun. The question part of that is, who did you imagine as your partner(s) while writing the book? And also, who else do you hope will read it?
S. BEAR BERGMAN
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SBB: Whew. Well? I started the book for my friend Kate, with whom I have been close if not always well in touch for a lot of years — she was the one who started hocking me about when was 1 going to write my book, ten years ago. And she’s a shapeshifter femme, this changeling angel child of dew and lightning. Dancing with her (actually or metaphorically) always stretched and challenged me to be every possible inch of the range of who I was in order to continue finding a character to go with hers.
Then Nicole, my now-ex wife, met the desire I had to write and the things I had to say like the ocean meets a new thing, full of invitation and teeming with life and the great vast possibility of nour- ishment or movement but also a slap of fear, y’know? Also this sense that I had better give it all my focus, and not try to do anything half-assed. Nicole also was my partner the entire time I was writing this book and for most of my adult life, so she is woven all through it in every possible way — there’s hardly an observa- tion anywhere that isn’t colored by her. And I finished the book for my friend SJ, who is an upstart eaglet baby boy just coming into his own as a transmasculine thing, whom I met when he was seven- teen and just really starting to walk upright, genderwise. He is the one to whom all of the handkerchief passages of the book are addressed, and he’s the one who got me to get off the stump and give the thing the attention it really needed — 1 felt like I owed it to him. In fact, he may have even said such a thing.
But mostly, it’s my love letter to hutches and transmasculine folk. I will be deeply glad if whomever else reads it enjoys it or learns or grows or what-have- you, but I wrote it for my brothers and lovers, as a way to try and say some of what we have such difficulty saying, and as a way to offer back some of what I’ve been so generously given.
STS: At this point, I have questions about categories — femmes and hutches and the rest of us, and how people who have embodied those categories worked on your thinking. I wonder if they are at all useful, given what you just said. I feel not. But I do have one related question I want to ask.
SBB: I am not very good at categories, I’m afraid. Or, 1 guess — I am, but only
for about five minutes per. [grin]
STS: Which is pretty obvious in the book. Well here’s this question, anyway: Not to get too Freudian here, but your father has a small significant presence in the narrative. You’re pretty clear, in the hook, about his relationship to your butch identity, so I won’t get into it here. My question lies, rather, in the hutches who raised you. How would you classify those folks? Father-figures? Daddies? Big- brothers? Feel free, also, to explain the term “Ex Post Papa,” the title of your first solo performance piece, as part of your answer.
SBB: 1 would classify them as mentors, in a general way, and I tended to have mentors who where much older than me and who very purposefully “raised" me — they knew what they were doing. They knew they were trying to instill some- thing in a youngster that would serve hir well over time. I had some amazing butch dyke mentors — most notably my Uncle Pam, who was a mentor for heaven- knows-how-many hutches and boys of my age in Northampton. She was most serious about being a mentor; she really embraced it, really was thoughtful and thorough and extravagant in the amount of energy she gave as a mentor.
Also, there were a small corps of fag- got leathermen and bathhouse sluts who were the first real sex-positive radical perverts I ever met and who shaped my attitudes about sexuality and intimacy in really careful, but radical ways. What I learned about being sexual with girls was mostly a product of my fabulous femme mentors, but what I learned about being sexual with masculine things — and, in fact, my overall set of sexual mores — were the product of these most sharp and tender fellows.
And then I had a few good teach- ers— schoolteachers, I mean — along the way, and directors, and some other men from whose performances of masculinity I stole bits and bobs and ways of thinking and doing. They were less intentional about being mentors but they offered some great stuff, anyway. And my peers, too — some of the hutches and boys I grew up and came out with are also my role models, as well as being my friends. STS: Do you know that you’re leading me, unconsciously, through my own interview?
SBB: [batting my eyelashes] Who, me? I don’t know what you’re talking about.
STS: It’s cool. I’m still working out some things about my own identity: metrosex- ual as the new femme, for instance. So I’ll lean into it. This is fun.
SBB: Metrosexual as the new femme? Is this like pink is the new black? Or are you just trying to disguise your innately pansypants nature?
STS: I couldn’t disguise my pansypants if I wanted to, and you know it.
SBB: If 's one of the things I love best about you, actually. Though I do also really enjoy it when you get all hutched up.
STS: No, I just think metrosexual is a name for men who want to separate themselves from gays and women. Since I am a metrosexual, but am not that kind of man, I think my brand of masculinity is actually femme.
SBB: Is metrosexual a gender?
STS: I think so. Kind of like “dandy” — again, “oh, it’s not gay, it’s just an atten- tion to cuticles” or whatever.
But I’m of the school of thought that places sexuality in the category of gender, and not the other way around. Not that metrosexual is even a sexuality, actually. That’s just to say, honey, everything’s a gender!
SBB: I don’t know. I don’t think of you as being a femme boy; 1 do think of you more as a dandy. I think because in terms of your ways of interacting with the world you are pretty masculine — in good and interesting ways, not boorish ones — and then you have this sort of nancy-boy icing on top, with your gay hair and your fashion shoes and what-have-you.
STS: What about gay hair and your fash- ion shoes is not femme?
I think my identity is very mascu- line, but on the spectrum, I’d call it a “femme masculinity.” Which has all sorts of things to do with my relationship to power in ways that are not what we would call masculine. I’m still working on it, but it feels pretty good.
SBB: That makes sense to me. Even though, ironically, I tend to identify peo- ple who are masculine in considered ways, and who have a nonnormative rela- tionship to the power that comes with masculinity, as butch.
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I believe that passing does have privilege, even sometimes when we choose
But I also get that metrosexual is a problematic word because it has an implied homophobia and transphobia in it — we needed it in the lexicon in order to protect against queer.
STS: Totally! I love it for how many more gay-looking men it has made the world safer for, but on the conversational level there’s a serious homophobia involved — in my experience.
And since I’ll always be queer no matter how straight I look or act, I feel like Femme allows that, in a way that I would liken to what you call Butch. And we both know that things tend to explode when I get all hutched up, so . . .
SBB: Huh. Wait. So it’s a “sex not equal to gender thing” that ends up at queer? I’m female sexed, butch gendered, they’re not congruent and therefore — queer. You are (these days) male sexed, or at least on your way to it, and femme gendered, which has the same result — queer!
STS: Yes, that’s a great description. Though the way you just put it, “sex not equal to gender = queer” would upset a lot of the transfolks we know. For me, queer is much more about being an out- sider— whether that’s due to my sex/gen- der construct, or my gay appearance even as I date girls, or having been a middle- class person in an upper class world . . .
I feel queer all the time, no matter how well I pass in whatever ways in whatever worlds.
SBB: I didn’t mean it’s the only equation that gets you to queer. Good grief. I just meant that it was one of the ways to get there and, perhaps more importantly, it explains part of why we have different labels for such similar behavior — because we are so queer-identified. So our queer identities and our queer sensibilities lend themselves to different identifications of similar behavior because they (the identi- fications) confirm rather than contradict our queerness. In this case.
STS: I knew what you meant, hon, and I think you’re right. But I’ve started one too many an online firelight with just those words. I wanted us both to be clear for [nudging you, nodding in an outward direction] them.
SBB: [laughing] Right, thanks for look- ing out. I appreciate the reminder. Especially because I do think that there are people — not us, but some people —
who really do believe that there’s only one way to go about it. And who try to police or punish others with that. But I try not to do that, ever.
STS: I would also venture to say that Femmes understand invisibility, which can sometimes be called passing privilege (but is not always a privilege in any sense of the word), in a way that Butches aren’t allowed. Since I get to pass so often now as sweet, possibly-gay (but in the Jack from Will & Grace way), cute whiteboy — just how radical 1 am gets subsumed in that. lust like for the femmes I know. I think you, and butches generally, don’t get to hide as much. I felt that in the moments where (I and) others took me for butch.
What do you think about that?
SBB: I think that’s really, incredibly true, and I think that queers of any stripe who get invisibilized by passing have an incredibly difficult time with it. Femmes, absolutely — femme invisibility, even within and among queers, and the way that femmes can get punished from with- in the queer community for passing as much they get punished outside it is extraordinary.
And I also hear it from transguys of butch experience — like you — particular- ly. My lover Bobby, who is a transman, has spoken about the grief of seeing visi- bly queer folk out in the world — in the supermarket, whatever — and giving them the “queer nod” out of habit before he realizes that he no longer reads as queer in the context. He’s not visibly queer. Which, actually, is what my next book is about — not him, specifically, but the experience of being visibly queer.
And I believe that passing does have privilege, even sometimes when we choose not to exercise it— passing as a man, I have a much different interaction with strangers than I do as a visibly queer thing. Like we did all across the South on our roadtrip. Everyone down there in the red-states was so pleasant and friendly and kind to two white, masculine, osten-
not to exercise it . . .
sibly heterosexual young men.
STS: “Clearly Marked,” if you will.
SBB: Yes, the books seem to be a couple steps behind the shows, [grin]
STS: Passing as a straight dude is one lcinda privilege. Passing as a fag, or as an ultra-feminine woman ... I wouldn’t always call that privilege all the time. Maybe in the personal sense, but not always out there. Ha, or, for transfolks, even in here.
SBB: True that.
STS: I am really enjoying this.
SBB: Me too!
STS: Okay, so my question then: I’m gonna get all Judith Butler / Halberstam for a sec, thinking about the “gender as performance” theory, where gender expression is considered an actual social- theatrical performance, which is scripted by different social/cultural forces (race and class, and also capitalist beauty machine stuff). What would you say to the idea that your book could be consid- ered a script, to some, on How to Be Butch?
SBB: Hmm. Well? I both do and don’t want it to be. In some parts I would like it to act as a script; I think that in general I have gotten really incredible advice and teaching about how to be honorable in the world, some of which I have tried to pass on in the book. So in that way, I guess I hope it is a script. But in general, no, it’s not a script, and I don’t want any- one to take it as one or even imagine that I meant it as one. I chose to write down my own experience, entirely situated within my own positions on all of those axes (race, class, religion, gender, etc.) I am actually really afraid that people will think I meant it as a script, or an instruc- tion manual. I am afraid people will read it and go “oh, shit, I’m doing it wrong.” And I cannot even tell you how much I do not want that. I am also afraid that people will read it, and say “This asshole thinks that’s how you’re a Butch? Fuck that.” And I really don’t want that, either.
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What I’ve written is my book about Butch. Fully aware that it isn’t everyone’s experience, and actually quite hopeful that other people will choose to add to the works available on butch in all the places where I can’t speak to it.
Well, and the places where I can, too, really — I would love to see all kinds of new work about butch. It’s sort of my secret hope.
STS: You play right into my hands . . .
Would you be at all adverse to me stating that I think Butch Is a Nouu is almost as much memoir as a gender studies reader?
Knowing you personally throws the more “cultural philosophy” moments into relief against your personal life. The reason I’m bring- ing this up at all is because I treasure this about the text: your easy prose about socio-politically difficult topics, I think, is a measure of how much you’ve lived (and laughed at) what shows up in other texts as hard theory and criticism.
Did you blur these academic and personal lines intentionally?
SBB: Yes, pretty much, in much the same way that I am always trying to blur those lines in my work. I know you’ve heard me say this before, but at the end of the day, I’m a storyteller. Everything I am ever able to accomplish is generally the result of telling stories. When I teach and lecture, even in the most hardcore academic settings, I make the choice to sample the theory into my own narrative and give it a place within — but no more importance than — my personal stories, the stories of other people, and the students’ own stories. And like a DJ, I am trying to take all the pieces and make a new sound out of them, something partly familiar and partly fresh. That effort probably accounts for what people refer to as my “unique style,” which I hope is a compliment and not a euphemism.
But — no, I am not averse to you identifying it as a mem- oir— it is, in parts, a memoir, absolutely. It’s all of those things mushed together. And what I do is try to make it a lovely blend and not an unholy mess.
STS: Okay, let’s talk performance. We have to. Did you conceive of any of Butch Is a Noun as performance text? In what way(s) was writing this book different, as a process, from writing your solo performances “Ex Post Papa” and “Clearly Marked”?
SBB: There are a few pieces that have a strong performative quality —
“I Know What Butch Is,” for example, is one that people love to hear read aloud. But no — this was always a book, in my head, and in that way was a lot more difficult to write than a show because the thing about a book is that it’s static. As a storyteller, I am always making slight adjustments to a story for the benefit of the audience, and it gives me a lot of flex- ibility and freedom that a book doesn’t. I remember distinctly whining to several people when they were trying to encourage me to write a book that I would rather just go door-to-door, thanks. So writing such a big chunk of text with so many pieces that I knew had to get “right” and then let go off into the world to stand on its own two stubby little feet was incredibly difficult, and I was monumentally resistant to it. Because what works for one reader, or one audience, won’t always work for another. Eventually, I start- ed envisioning each piece as a story told to one person — one specific person, someone I know — and wrote it just for them, hoping that if I couldn’t have the flexibility I wanted I could at least count on a kind of specificity that might make it more accessible. I hope it worked, but I don’t know that yet.
STS: You have a pretty vast taste in music. If you had to make a playlist to go with this book, what would be on it?
SBB: Oh, that’s a great question. I love that. Can I do it as a take-home? I have to consider it.
STS: Indeed.
SBB: Hey, this was fun. Can we do it again when your book comes out? Except this time I can ask you all manner of questions.
STS: Sure thing! 3/T
Scott Turner Schofield is a Southerner in constant transition. Schofield began his performance art career working as a research assistant to Holly Hughes and Carmelita Tropicana at the WOW Cafe in 2000. Now o full-time performance artist, edu- cator, and producer, he tours his acclaimed o ne-trannie shows, "Underground TRANSit" and "Debutante Balls," to colleges and festivals far and wide, using performance to engage diverse audi- ences around the critical issues of our time.
BEAR'S BUTCH IS A NOUN PLAYLIST
NOTE: Some of these tracks are included because of the lyrics, some because they remind me so strongly of certain qualities, or certain people, and "Mr. Brightside" because I played it on repeat the entire time I was at Millay writing the other half of this book. I had to set myself a 25-song limit, too, because I could have gone on choosing songs endlessly. But — here's the result. Enjoy.
• "Made Of Steel" - Our Lady Peace
• "Me Against the World" - Tupac Shakur
• "Fred Astaire" - Lucky Boys' Confusion
• "State of Grace" - Pierce Pettis
• "Heaven When We're Home" - The Wailin' Jennys
• "I Wants to Be Loved" - Muddy Waters
• "Man on the Side" - John Mayer
• "You Can Sleep While I Drive" - Melissa Etheridge
• "For Today I Am a Boy" - Antony & The Johnsons
• "La Belle et le Bad Boy" - MC Solaar
• "Golden" - Jill Scott
• "Supernova" - Liz Phair
• "Real Men" - Tori Amos
• "Feeling Good" - Nina Simone
• "Woman Like a Man" - Damien Rice
• "Any Man of Mine" - Shania Twain
• "Daylight" - Aesop Rock
• "Can't Stop the Rock" - Apollo 440
• "None of Us Are Free" - Solomon Burke / Blind Boys of Alabama
• "Sometimes You Can't Make It on Your Own" - U2
• "God Is A DJ" - Pink
• "Baby Get Lost" - Queen Latifah
• "Beat the Drum" - Great Big Sea
• "Mr. Brightside" - The Killers
• "Mountains of Glory" - Amy Ray
• Bonus track: "Stand By Your Man" - Tammy Wynette
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The following are excerpts from Butch is a Noun by S. Bear Bergman. The book is published on December 30, 2006 by Suspect Thoughts Press (ISBN 977 J5825XJ. Reprinted with permission of the author.
CHAPTER TWO;
FIRE THE COPYEDITOR, OR POSSIBLY THE AUTHOR:
A FEW NOTES ON PRONOUNS
Though English has evolved away from gendered nouns in most cases (boats being one of our last vestigial exceptions) we are nonetheless deeply attached to gender when it comes to people. We have a masculine set of pro- nouns for men (he, him, his) and a feminine set for women (she, her, hers). It, popularly discussed in grammar texts as a neutral pro- noun, is not used for people or is used only to express ones great distaste for the person in question, often a person of indeterminate, complicated, or confusing gender. He’s a boy, she’s a girl, it’s a table, and there we go.
The way that English sentences are constructed, when we’re talk- ing about a person, pronouns are used quite a bit. It is very difficult, as any closeted person who has every tried to explain what ze did over a weekend will certainly tell you, to say even a few sentences about another person without using gendered pronouns. You end up constantly using the person’s proper name and sounding like you are being translated from English to some other language and back again:
Well, Pat and I went to get Pat a new car, which Pat has been needing for a while because Pat's old one is more than ten years old, and Pat ended up getting a 2002 Camry. Pat really likes it.
Or everything has to be con- structed in the passive voice with odd, pronoun-avoiding jumps passed off as colloquialisms, and you end up sounding like you’re being heard through a poorly maintained fast-food drive- through speaker:
Well ... went to get a car because the old car has needed replacing for quite a while. More than ten years old, you know. A 2002 Camry got picked out, and it seems like it'll be a good choice.
Neither one’s really a great moment in language. Some people opt for the plural-pronoun-as- neutral-singular option:
Well, I went with my friend... so they could get a new car. They'd had this old one for more than ten years, so they really needed something newer. They got a 2002 Camry, and they seem really happy with it.
But that always sounds to me as though either you are dating someone with multiple personali- ties or you’re polyamorous, either of which is a dandy thing as far as I’m concerned, but not what we’re aiming at here.
Why am I bothering to tell you all of this? Because before I intro- duce you to your new friends, the gender-neutral pronouns, I want you to understand why they are useful and necessary things. I want you to feel in your mouth the hes- itation, the frustration, the stum- bling over gendered pronouns that you must do when speaking about a person whose gender* is neither man, in which case masculine pro- nouns would be likely appropri- ate, nor woman, in which case feminine ones would probably be.
* For a cogent and entertaining expla- nation of the difference between sex and gender, please refer to My \
Gender Workbook, by Kate Bornstein, pages 35-39.
My theory is that butch is a noun, a gender all its own, some- thing which cannot always be described within the confines of the bigendered pronoun system we have now. In an attempt to honor hutches of whatever sex, whatever pronoun they may per- sonally prefer (and my experience of hutches is that they may prefer either, both, these gender-neutral ones, or, in some inventive cases, may have made up their own), I have chosen to use gender-neutral pronouns when referring to butches-in-general in this book. It feels much like hutches do to me, in that so many ways of gender all combine and collide and get expressed, all of which get divorced from their traditional genders to come and shack up with Butch. It seems congruent to use language that has the most possibility inherent in it. Those gender-neutral pronouns are (drumroll, please): ze and hir. Let’s meet them; you’ll be spending a lot of time together during the balance of this book.
Ze, pronounced zee, like the twenty-sixth letter of the alphabet if you speak American English, is used as the subjective pronoun — that is, instead of she or he. “Ze went to the store,” “What kind of shoes is ze wearing?” “Does ze have relatives in Bulgaria?” and so on. Also, ze is an incredibly useful solution to the problem, when writing formally, of having to write s/he or he/she when talking about a person of unknown gen- der, now that the “universal mas- culine” has, we hope, gone the way of the dodo but with much less lamentation.
Hir, pronounced here, is the objective and also the possessive pronoun, and is used in place of
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the feminine pronoun her or hers, or the masculine pronouns him or his. “Ask hir for the time, please,” “It’s hir truck, not mine,” “Have you thought about asking hir on a date?” In formal writing, hir solves the his / her, her / him problem very neatly: “Before an applicant can be considered, hir entire port- folio must have been received and processed,” “If you encounter a local resident, you might consider asking hir to help you find one of the sweet springs; they are a won- derful treat.”
By using gender-neutral pro- nouns in this book (except in cases where I know the butch in question personally and know hir specific preferences with regard to
pronouns at the time of writing) I am trying to open up a space in the language for people who are not man- or woman-gendered, in much the same way as I am try- ing—by writing this book — to open up a space for a gender that is not man or woman in the way people think. I have been warned that people will find it jarring. 1 am told by people who almost certainly know more about such things than I do that innovations in language come very slowly, that stubbornly choosing to use such a new form will make this book inaccessible.
It is true that I am stubborn. It
is a butch trait. We have to be stubborn in order to exist in the face of cultural norms, or there would be no such thing as butch. Butch, as moment of lovely devia- tion from normative gender.
Butch, standing apart from what is expected or accepted and waiting to see if you’re interested enough to come too. It is my butch sensi- bility that enables me to feel roughly the same way about offer- ing you, the reader, gender-neutral pronouns as I do about offering anyone an invitation to my sexual- ity: an attitude that can best be described as a come hither or fuck off. I have already invested my trust in you by writing this book, and, by opening it, you have
already decided to give me a shot. Now we take the next deviant step together, and I try to describe and explain what it means to me to be a butch (n.).
We do not have nearly enough language to make this easy.
Striking out into the beginning of a discussion of butch as a gender, as a way of being in the world, I am acutely aware of all the words I need that I do not have: a dozen kinds of longing, thirty shades of pride, a hundred kinds of honor- able intention. I bring my skills, such as they are, to bear as best I can, but I am still fumbling. I do have gender-neutral pronouns.
and you’re willing to read them and understand what they mean, so here we go. Here we go.
CHAPTER NINE: BREASTS
There are few things in my uni- verse more complicated, more complex, more dependent on context than breasts. Every time I think I have reached a place of conclusion about them, some fur- ther question asserts itself and I am once again hopelessly mired in the muck, trying to generalize about something about which one ought not generalize. I think that I have formulated a thesis, and then it turns out to have more holes than my favorite socks.
There is nothing I can say about breasts from A Butch Standpoint, no way I can make even one state- ment about butches and breasts that I feel confident is going to be almost always true, except: butches recognize breasts on sight. There. Now I feel better.
An earlier draft of this essay flowed from the following thesis: Breasts, for butches, fall into that category of things known as “love- ly for you, not acceptable for me.”
I was thinking about those things, things like feelings and sundresses, those things that the stereotype of butch praises or admires in others but does not have a natural affini- ty for in hirself. But after the flur- ry of typing came the inevitable flurry of deleting as I thought about the butches I know who do like their breasts (and also those who like feelings, and those who like sundresses, and they are not always the same butches, for the record). The way their breasts can be made to feel if not the way they look, or sometimes both. And my
I loved my breasts for the possibilities of great pleasure they carried but hated them for marking me as a woman in bi-gendered society, a woman I never felt like and still don't.
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enormous desire not to leave them, or any butch, feeling shamed for nonnormative behav- ior. We have enough of that as it is. So that thesis was right out.
The further problem, of course, is that any thesis requires some stillness of thought, and mine is not. I look down at my own breasts, rounded and small compared to my barrel-chested frame, and the first thing I remember is getting the tattoo over my heart. The artist, a lithe and talented man with stylized waves lapping over his clavicles, silently tried a variety of yogic positions to achieve the requisite tautness of skin without having to actually touch my breast. Finally, tentatively, he indicated it with the slightest motion of his tattoo needle and explained his problem.
“Grab hold,” I said, ‘Tin not delicate.” He did with the slightest of shrugs, and the mark emerged perfect from his confident minis- trations, the entire tattoo created with my left breast held firmly in his hand as though it were being prepared for cooking. Only later did I realize that he wasn’t afraid of hurting me, he was afraid to touch what he perceived as my girl parts in such a proprietary way, without first ascertaining my con- sent. 1 imagine that my reply must have been somewhat confusing, but by then I wasn’t thinking about that. The hard part, unmasking what gets seen as my female body, was over. I was deep into the anticipation of the ink I had been dreaming about for a year. There was no question that he could do whatever was needful to make it happen.
The scene jumps. I had a lover once, a transguy, who was full of plans to have top surgery when
I met him. After six months he told me that he was thinking twice about it because he had discovered in the intervening time that he really liked the sensation of his nipples, which he had rarely allowed to be touched. He didn’t want to lose it. He said that because I had breasts and was not a woman, it felt somehow accept- able to enjoy it when I touched him in those ways. It was some- how all right, because the equiva- lency in our shapes also had congruency, and that made it safe for him. Complicated a thought as that is, I understand it; it feels
metaphysically different to be touched by someone whose map of the body has the same mark- ings on it, the same legend.<